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Linda, a
woman in her early 20s, has been
secretly dating a man old enough to be her grandfather,
who also happens to be
married. She
enjoys the relationship but also does not understand
what it all means considering that they do not
have a
future together. She writes, "I am student at his
art
studio. It was my
birthday
and I happened to be the first to get there. Well, he
usually hugs every girl who arrives so I didn't think
much and I hugged him back too, since I was pretty happy
that day. And then I noticed that he isn't
letting me go. I just thought I'm imagining things
and stood there with him until he whispered something in
my ear. Then we went in and started to talk about my
work and while he was sitting he got me again and pulled
me towards himself. When he was starting to
kiss my
neck, I pulled away. Now that I'm writing this I see
that you probably will think that I was extremely naive,
but...you see, he knew my mother (I got to know about
the studio through Mom) and he also had met me when I
was 13 (it probably reminds you of the classic book and
movie
Lolita). Probably that is why I found it hard to
believe what was going on. First I thought I was nuts
and just imagining it all, but every time I went there
it was the same. He is rather strong and he is almost
twice as big as I am, and I'm not well-built. And then I
understood that I just can't
fight
him; I always felt sort of numb when
he
approached me. But later on,
he was really sweet to me and he gives me a lot of
affection. So that is a brief story of how it all
started. I left some details out, since they are a bit
personal and I just don't want to make him look bad...or
worse than I already have. I also know that this is not
the
healthiest of relationships, but my
life has been messed up all along. And I really
would like to think that he feels something for me and
that we've reached a level higher than the one we were
in in the beginning. If you could help me on this one,
I'd be glad. I understand I can't trust my judgment."
It is not healthy for an older,
married man to chase young girls
It looks like he had a
crush on you for years and obviously considering
that you are
so young and he may even be considered a
family friend, it is inappropriate. I think if your
mother finds out it will be very problematic. I know you
are both
addicted to each other, but this maybe hurting him
more than you. When people find out they will accuse him
of abusing
a
young girl who could be his grand-daughter, even
though there is nothing illegal about it. I can imagine
the mess it will cause and since he is that old, he
should know this.
I realize that this relationship is helping you in some
ways and since this will not last forever, it is fine to
enjoy while it lasts, but I hope you realize that you
both are playing with fire and someone will get burned.
I would suggest that you should be very discreet and
limit the amount of time that you spend with him. At the
same time, you should
see other guys because that would be good for you --
you will learn to interact and feel affection towards
men of your age.
I have also not understood what other
problems you have in your life but if you tell me, I
can help you deal with them. Your relationship with him
is just an escape from your
real
problems because in him you see someone stable,
mature, confident, solid, and that is very
comforting at this time but is not a permanent solution. |
