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Kim
writes, "My husband and I got married about two years
ago and we have a child. Our
marriage has not been entirely fun all this time. I
find that he is always
ignoring me and doesn't care much about me. I
suspect that he is
addicted to smoking and behind my back
watching
dirty movies on the Internet. When I mentioned this
to my mother, she said to me that if I were to
get a
divorce, I might even
lose the custody or if I don't, he will
grow up without a dad. She is asking me to be
patient and with time, everything will be alright. I
have recently learned that he was
abused
as a child by his father and that is why he is very
distrustful of me and has acquired bad habits. I really
don't know what to do. Would you please help me?"
Love and empathy can change anyone
I think you should be a little patient, as your mother
says, and try to learn more about him. Remember that you
two have been married for a very short time and have a
lot to learn about each other. I would not be surprised
that your husband thinks that
watching porn is bad or that if you find out you
will be mad at him or leave him or tell his family about
it. And I would also not be surprised that he may
want sex like they do in these films and he is shy
to ask you or is afraid that you will be angry or think
of him as crazy. You can tell him that you love him the
way he is, even if the society thinks that he has some
undesirable hobbies. You can tell him that you do not
mind his addictions and would be happy to help him
overcome his addictions. I think you have to make
him trust you that you love him the way he is and accept
him with all his weaknesses.
I agree with you that if you are
supportive, patient, tender and understanding, you are
more likely to become his
best
friend and
great wife. I am sure that he too has been
supportive of you during this time. As I said
before,
fighting with him or attacking him will only make
him angry and defensive, and then he will do what he
does in secret and never
open
up to you. |
