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Nicole
writes, "I am a
married
woman very much on the verge of pursing a sexual affair
with a
married man. I’m not looking to be told that this is
OK, as I’m aware it is not, but I’m looking for options
and advice on what I can do, and what might help me get
over the
feelings of hurt and
rejection that I feel at home.
My
marriage is great in every way but one: My
husband
never desires me or wants me sexually. I am always
the one to ask for and
initiate sex. He always makes excuses (too tired,
full,
stressed) and acts like it is a chore on the rare
occasions when we do. I have asked to seek
counseling, but he says no. I’ve asked if we can
have an
open marriage, if
he does
not want to have sex with me, and he says no, and
thought I was kidding.
I am longing to feel desired and
wanted and have that
sexual
connection with someone again. I would prefer it to
be him, but he does not seem to want it. He says he
does, but then is too lazy or tired to ever follow
through. I love him, and he loves me, but I'm very sad
and confused by this repeated rejection.
I have always been the more
sexually aggressive one between us, but since we
got
married, he's
lost all
interest. I
workout 5 times a week, and am in the
best shape of my life. I’m a
confident,
successful, 30 year old,
attractive woman but with the constant rejection I
feel myself questioning my
self worth at times. What’s wrong with me?
Why doesn’t he want me? Desire me? There seems to be
a double standard out there in the
social online community. I’ve thrown this question
out to the public before, and I was given advice to
buy lingerie,
spice
things up to
get him interested,
offer
sexual favors at random times, in random places to
get him interested. I’ve always done all of these things
throughout our relationship, and none of them
sparks any
interest. Someone even said that it must be my
fault, that I must not
be attractive anymore.
There are mental and physical factors
that I’ve considered as reasons
why his
libido has died (and yes, I’ve tried to talk with
him and get real answers from him on numerous occasions,
but he doesn’t have any reasons for me. So, these are
all just factors I’ve come up with on my own). These
factors include:
Aside from these factors, I’ve also
considered the things that could be wrong with me. Aside
from being unattractive to him, the mere fact that I am
the
sexual aggressor, that I am confident, that I
ask for sex. The thing is, this has not changed. I
was always this way, and he knew that when he married
me.
Without him wanting to
go to
counseling, I am very confused and
feel very
trapped. He’s very
affectionate in every other way, and I feel guilty
for wanting more, and needing that
sexual intimacy and
desire.
Again, I have never been loved more by anyone. I realize
that
passion does fade, but I’m seeking a
sexual and intimate physical relationship from the man I
love and married to. And to be honest, I didn’t
think that I would be longing for these
things so early on in our marriage before being faced
with the
stresses of children and
ailing parents and other
life’s challenges. He is very content with the way
things are, and I am not. I’ve told him this. There have
been frank conversations and even a few tears. He tells
me that he is going to try harder to
make love to me, but then we never do.
So, it brings me to my current moral predicament: I’m
very seriously contemplating
having an
affair with someone I’ve been
chatting with online. We email daily, and have
wonderful mental and
sexual chemistry. We are very
like-minded in our pursuit to be desired again, and to
have
passionate and frequent sex again. He too is missing
this connection at home. Neither of us want to change
our home/marital situations, but I know that this
journey I’m about to embark on is a treacherous one. The
thing is….I already feel better, from his words, from
him desiring me and the longing that I feel to bring our
online relationship to the next level. What else is
there for me to do? Or have I already gone too far?"
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Divorce with Indian career oriented wife |
