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Roseanne
writes, "Me and my BF have been dating for 2.5 years; we
practically
live together and he is still
scared to commit. I guess it's because were still
young (I'm 21 and he's 26) and also this is only our
second
serious relationship so we both don't have that much
experience when it comes to it. He would always tell me
that he doesn't want anybody else to be with and that
he's scared to lose me, wants to
start a
family someday but at the same time he said that
he's
afraid of commitment. The funny thing is that a
couple of days ago he said that he was thinking of maybe
seeing other people, which really bothered me -
obviously who wouldn't be bothered if all of a sudden
your boyfriend says 'I'm thinking of seeing other
people' but I was thinking it was maybe because we've
been
fighting a lot the last year and are working on it
now but it just scared me that he said that since I love
him just as much as he loves me and I can't see myself
without him. I just have this feeling that
he might be
cheating since he does like to
look at girls online and offline so I just don't
know what to do anymore! Should I stay or should I go?"
Could the commitment phobia excuse be
not true?
Based on what you tell me, I think your boyfriend does
not love you as much as he says. It appears that he says
that he
loves you just because it is the right thing to do
and he does not have the guts to say what he really
feels. And while you maybe young, at age 26, a man is
old enough to decide what he wants. I also suspect that
his proposal to date other people (while at the same
time proclaiming his never-dying love for you) and his
checking out other girls means that he has serious
doubts about
long term commitment to you.
Rather than starting yet another fight with him, it is
time for you to think through your relationship and look
for signs about his intentions. Does his overall
behavior in last two and a half years indicate a
person who genuinely cares for you and would like to
spend the rest of his life with you or does it
indicate a man who is together with you only because he
has no one else and will leave you when he finds someone
else? If you conclude that the relationship appears to
be forced on his part, you are better off investing your
emotional energy into a relationship with a
man who believes in commitment. |
