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Sofia
writes, "I've been
friends with this guy for about 4 years now (I've
always
liked him more than just a friend really). Anyway he
has a girlfriend who he's been with for 1.5 years. I
don't understand why he acts the way he does towards me.
He's either very warm or
cold towards me and it is hard to predict what his
behavior is going to be. Like for a week or two he'll
speak to me tons, and text me lots etc; then, he'll just
disappear and go all cold on me! We usually
flirt
quite a lot too. I don't understand why he'll be all
flirty and nice with me one minute and cold and
distant the next. It's really
confusing. We go to different
universities so we don't really get to
spend a lot
of time together. But when he came home for
Easter this year, he asked me to
hangout
with him. But when he came to my house to
spend time
with me he was all
cold and distant and I don't know why. I feel like
I've done something wrong but can't figure out what. He
knows that I like him, but he always
brags about his girlfriend to me (he knows it
hurts
me!). I don't understand why he insists on telling me
about her all the time; when he knows I don't want to
hear! Do I do something to make him act that way?! Also
why did he ask to spend time with me if he was going to
be all cold towards me as if he never wanted to see me?"
Insecure men do not know what to do
with their emotions
Obviously his behavior is very awkward
but here are my thoughts based on dealing with men like
him. Many men just live in a world of confusion -- their
thoughts are always muddled up and they cannot make up
their minds. It appears to me that his
relationship with his girlfriend is not going well
and there are times that he wonders if he should simply
breakup and
have a
relationship with you -- those are moments when he
is warm and friendly. Then, he comes to you and does not
like something about you (I cannot say what it is but
there is something about you that scares the hell out of
him) and becomes cold towards you. And the reason he
keeps boasting about his girlfriend is that he is simply
insecure about himself, that he is not willing to
admit that he will be with a
woman that he does not really love. Like a normal
man who would simply confess that his
relationship is not working and he wants to
have a relationship with you, he pretends that
everything is alright and you would somehow still like
him.
The other theory that I have is that he really does not
like you
but by
flirting with you and wanting to hang out with you,
he keeps your hopes alive (and since you yourself say
that you like him a lot you must be giving him a lot of
hints of
your crush on him). And just to torture you, he
brags about his
great
girlfriend. He also mistreats you by ignoring you.
Sounds sadistic to me but one group of men does this. Is
there any chance that in the past you
rejected his advances? He is hurt and wants to
punish you for it.
I am sure that there is something about him that you
like but I am not sure
if
this is a stable man. Shouldn't you consider
burying your hopes and
moving on? |
