| Ginger
writes, "I am an
exotic
dancer in a military town
paying my way through college. I barely
drink,
and don't touch
drugs, and
have my life pretty much together. Four months ago,
I met a young
soldier at my work. He
likes to party and
goes to such clubs about three times a week (there
are few other
bars in town because of high concentration of young,
single men ready to
deploy
overseas). He knows I keep things clean at work and
don't do anything other than
undress. We dated, seeing each other 3 to 6 times a
week. During this time, we talked about
marriage, kids, and our future together (I thought
he was
moving fast as he had several months ago
canceled an engagement with a young military
woman because she had cheated on him with over 5
people during their 2.5 year relationship). When his
deployment was over, he asked me to follow him back to
his home town, 500 miles away. I told him that I cared
about him a great deal but that three months of dating
wasn't enough time to make such a big decision; plus I
would have to make arrangements for my school, but that
what I could
do was
long distance for 3 months and THEN move to where he
is. He agreed. The first two weeks we talked on the
phone for a few hours a day, the second week an hour a
day. The next two weeks we talked about 45 minutes a
day, then after 4 months of dating (3 months together
and one month
long distance) he sent me a
text message breaking up and saying that he couldn't
be with me while I still worked as
entertainer because he is jealous. He still cares
about me, AND he realized it wasn't fair to me to have
to
change my life around to follow him."
Ginger says that she WANTED to follow
him. She continues, "I care very deeply about this man,
and now feel that he led me on. One friend (who has
experience like me dealing with men in identical
situation) says that he is telling the truth and that
most
guys can't handle the jealousy that comes along with
the job. Other friends say that he was just using me for
sex
while he was here. My gut feeling is that he does care
at least a little, and that he is the type of person who
CANNOT be
alone. He took a 2-week
vacation
before he left and stayed at my place. The days I
worked, he left and went to other
bars to entertain himself every single night. He
generally always has to either be out or have people
around. I will be done with school in about 15 months.
He does not
have his
life together as much as I do (he is
unemployed, living at home, does not even have a
driver's license) and I feel his
insecurity about this plus his ex-fiancée
cheating on him might be part of the reason he let
me go. Should I call him when I'm done with college and
don't have to strip any more, or should I take his
breakup as the end? I could potentially work
really hard and
get enough money to stop
stripping in about 8 months. My heart says to call
and beg to him for another chance, but my brain says
don't be that
stupid girl. What should I do?"
Not all charming men make good
husbands
Based on what you tell me, I find that
this is a slightly unstable man. Trust me, I respect all
professions, including yours, and consider you a
professional, but my experience has shown that frequent
visits to
strip clubs are a signal that a man has difficulty
in establishing
real connections with women on the basis of
conversations,
romance, and
charm. And then you tell me that he was visiting
strippers even when he was with you (that simply
shows that he treats women like objects and has no
respect for his lover), and has to be constantly
surrounded by others (does he ever reflect or spend time
reading or
engaging in serious conversations with just one
person over a cup of
coffee?). To make things even less appealing, he is
a loser.
Jealousy is simply an excuse that he is using --
actually this man is too immature to even appreciate his
own emotions.
You are a woman who is doing everything right to
go ahead in life and this man will only drag you
down. So finish your school, go get a job based on your
education, and since I am assuming that you are
really beautiful, guys would love to
date a
woman like you. Just follow what your brain is
telling you. |
