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Mindy
writes, "I am a
divorced woman of 37 with three kids from my
previous marriages and currently dating an 21-year old.
I have mentioned a few times with him that when he's 34,
I will be 50. I
take good care of myself and
don't look my age. Anyway, he was pondering it also
and now feels that he would not be attracted to me and I
would
look old. My children are comfortable with him, but
now we are
dealing with a breakup and we are emotionally
strained. I am not a traditional 'cougar;'
I didn't even know what that was. This is the first time
I have been
involved with someone younger. My
heart is now broken; oh well. I have no
desire for any relationships. I have had enough of
my emotions going up and down."
Men who think that only women age are living in
denial
I am sorry to hear about your
experience but I am little bit skeptical of his
reasoning. He is somehow assuming that 13 years from
now, somehow
he will
not age. I have friends who have
gained so much weight or
lost a lot of hair at that age that I look so much
better than them being older than them by more than 10
years.
I also fail to understand that he is somehow
attracted to an older woman now (as you say that you
do
look great for your age but you are definitely 16
years older than him). How can he predict that he would
not like a 50 year old woman 13 years from now?
My guess is that any time, regardless of the
age gap, a
relationship that is based on how attracted one is
physically to the partner, is bound to fail, because
we all
age, and our
bodies
change due to unexpected things like
weight gain or illness or
planned changes like pregnancy.
Physical attraction is a poor
foundation for a relationship
Maybe you will be disappointed by my comment, but it
maybe good for you that this is over. Whatever his age,
you
want a man who will love you for who you are, not
for how
you look now and
will look
later. A man exactly your age could make the same
argument and leave you saying that he does not like you
now that you are 50 and go
marry an 18-year old. So this man's age is not an
issue.
I am really hoping that you would not give up on men or
for that matter
younger man. This was just a bad man and gave you a
bad experience -- no major decisions should be drawn
from him regarding life in general. |
