| We
did a story on how
Japanese make a clear distinction between two types of love
and in the process make everyone’s life simple.
While we have not conducted any scientific research
to establish a correlation between this attitude and the low
divorce rate in Japan, we would not be surprised that such
attitudes might be responsible for generally peaceful
marriages. France
has long accepted this distinction and several European
countries seem to allow varying degrees of freedom to men
and women to pursue romantic and physical-only loves with different
partners. Latin
America has also allowed, mostly men, the freedom to have
mistresses so that they could be good husbands and fathers
at home, but also indulge in whatever their passion was
without much interference from their wives.
In all these situations, many wives have felt
victimized but a vast majority of them have actually
appreciated their freedom.
Japanese wives, for example, routinely party/travel
without their husbands and what they do is none of their
husband’s business. Many
of these women have their own intimate
lovers or often engage in
casual relationships outside of marriage. These
practices, however reasonable they may sound, are not always
acceptable. A
Japanese lady married to a Canadian recently decided to get a divorce after the husband fell in love with another
lady. She was
not necessarily opposed to the idea of him having a
mistress
and would not have insisted on a divorce.
Her rationale was, “I can accept him having a
mistress because many men do it despite the fact that it
hurts.” But
she did draw a line when she found out that her husband
actually loved the other woman.
|
|
|
It
appears that this Japanese system of separation of romantic
and
no
strings attached relationships works only when both couples seem to believe
in it. Countless stories are available of women who simply accept
the fact that when their husbands travel to Thailand on golf
trips with their business colleagues, there are other
activities on the calendar in the evening.
Similarly, a long day of work does not always mean
attending important business meetings.
In all such cases, wives are known to be lonely,
depressed, and
unhappy with their marital
lives.
Increasingly, a large number of Japanese women are
raising their voices and walking away from their marriages
when such incidents happen.
No wonder the rate of divorce is going up.
|
 Jim
Young, who is married to a Japanese, has many opportunities
to meet with other Japanese people.
He tell us that most of his Japanese friends are against
this practice. He adds, “However, it does appear that many
young
Japanese women also no longer tolerate this kind of behavior.
Now, is this because of liberation of women in Japan
or simply the influence of America?”
Our
discussions lead us to believe that there is no ideal
situation. Rampant
promiscuity can be dangerous to any society and compulsive
cheaters do not help a
marriage.
Simply accepting that the spouse will only provide
one type of love and as a result if no effort is made to see
if possibility for both from same person exists does not do
a lot of good for the marriage either.
Maybe what is needed is a good
compromise – a
solid marriage based on strong love and
trust allowing them to enjoy other partners from time to
time but only as a couple.
Recommended
links: A
theme party in Tokyo A
couple makes love every day
Rocky
relationship with a Japanese woman
Japanese
women over all others
Carla Bruni is polyamorous |
