Melissa from Tampa, Florida writes, "I need some advice on how I can go about approaching a guy that I am interested in getting to know. I currently attend college and there is a guy that is in my class that I noticed seems to stare at me. I must admit that I am flattered because I am very attracted to him. I know this may sound funny that I am explaining this, but I am an incredibly shy person and I do not know how to go about initiating conversation with him. Does the fact that he stares at me has anything to do with wanting to get to know me or is this a simple game that guys play when they check out girls? I really need some advice because I have been telling myself that I will go up to him but I am afraid of not only being rejected, but that maybe he is just looking and that is it!"

You have asked two questions and let me try to answer them one by one. 

• Yes, when a guy is looking at you, this is a way for him to hint that he likes you and what he is looking for is a positive response from you to make sure that the attraction is mutual. Now, shy people commit this mistake all the time. In such cases they either do not make eye contact or present a dead look or even look nervous or terrorized. What you need to do instead is to smile. Fake it if you need to (because I know how shy people find it difficult to smile at a stranger, particularly a guy that you like). Here is a good article.
• The other thing that you need to know is that men are afraid of rejection more than women are because they are the one expected to try more often and they do. So my sense is that if you give him any positive sign that the attraction is mutual then he is very likely to approach you first and you would not even have to try. Can you sit next to him in class? Can you ask him to study together? Can you ask him to be your partner on a project? Is there any way to get close to him without really saying "Hey I like you. Can we go on a date?" This way if he is just looking (which many men do all the time even if they are not single, and particularly if the girl is pretty), then no damage done. You can still finish your project with him or whatever else you do with him. No embarrassments, no face lost....

And if you are man reading this article, here is some advice to you as well.  Just because you are not getting any positive response from her, it could very well be that she is not interested in you.  However, you need to validate that assumption with a second set of data.  If not, you can work with the hypothesis that she is shy.  Rachel Davis the author of "Conversation King:  Top Tactics for Talking to Women" has some great tips on approaching shy women in an article "Notice the shy girls:  They like men too".  Don Diebel, the romance expert, points that so many men miss out on excellent dating opportunities because they are shy.  "Fear that he will be rejected, fear that he won't know what to say, and fear that he won't know how to act," he writes in an article "Overcoming Shyness".

Recommended links:    Conquer the quiet beast: shyness   What can online dating do for you if you are shy   Shy boyfriend

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