How To Be A Nice Guy
And Still Go Ahead in Dating......By Mike Pilinski
I suppose I could have titled this article "Why Do Women Show
Absolutely No Romantic Interest In A Nice Guy (Like Me) Even
Though They All Claim To Want To Meet A Nice Guy (Like Me)?"
Whew! Well, maybe not. It sure is tempting though -- because
in my unexpected career as the internet's new "Dear Mr. Abby",
I've gotten some basic form of that question many times over in
the past few months, and I'm getting sick of it. So in the interest
of suppressing my e-mail a little bit, let me show you my theory
of why it is that nice guys are scorned by women everywhere,
and how to get around this social handicap without having to take
night courses in "How to be a
Jerk" at your local community college (although I hear they ARE a great place to
attractive young women... ;-)
I am sure you know the infuriating mantra that you've heard time
and again from women --either in person or on all these stupid
afternoon talk shows: "...But Oprah, there's no one to date out
there, all the guys are all such
jerks and losers. I just want to
meet a nice guy..." Oh how they love to whine.
Well if you consider yourself to be the "nice guy" these women
swear they're looking for, but you strike-out with all but the very
lowest end of the female food chain anyway, then you know what
royal bull**** this declaration really is. Nonetheless -- despite
the fact that most of the feral women (18-35) actually date
and screw the drunken lowlifes and pricks they claim to hate -- they
seem determined to drill it into our heads that this happens
ONLY because the right "nice guy" hasn't come-a-stumbln' into
their life yet. Rrrrr-ight. OK, here's what's REALLY going on. As usual, women are
talking in code. (They are famous for this).
When women imagine "nice guys" in their minds, what they're
really dreaming about is a guy who makes them feel SAFE... but
in a very *special* sort of way that preserves his male
attractiveness. Actually, this is not very mysterious when you
think about it from the *female* perspective. To a woman, a safe guy means ONLY that you're physically harmless -- nothing
more. In terms of what you could do to her emotions, well...that's a different story.
This blend of hot n' cold, exciting n' boring, safe n' dangerous is
what she is REALLY searching for -- this is what she *lives* for.
It's what she thinks of as having
chemistry with a guy.
The problem with being overtly nice or lap-doggishly friendly and
accommodating with women is that it communicates the worse kind of
SUBLIMINAL message to them. (P.S. Everything
IMPORTANT that goes on between men and women in the early stages of all
romantic encounters is always
communicated NON-verbally. Words may be the power tools of seduction -- but it's what you DON'T actually say with words that
will make or break you!). Anyway, this lousy subliminal messaging is the key to why nice guys rarely get laid.
Nice-guy behavior is NOT something that women see you as
"switching on" in their presence like some well-meaning but fumbled attempt to impress them. Instead, they believe that
you've been TRAINED (yes, like a f***ing dog) by other, *more
powerful* men in your world to act this way!
||In other words, 'nice guy' is how subservient men have learned
to act in the presence of stronger men in order to protect themselves from harm ("I am no threat to your status as the
more dominant male... please don't hurt me... let me be your
harmless, lovable side-kick..."). To women, then, "niceness" is a
screaming red flashing signal of LOW MALE STATUS, and therefore......it is an ENORMOUS TURN OFF to them!
This is why they can't develop any energy (i.e., chemistry)
with nice guys, and with good reason. Nature has hardwired the
female brain to seek out the most powerful male to mate with in
order to produce the strongest offspring with the best chance to
survive. It's the same reason why men have been hardwired to
chase after women who display physical signs of youthfulness
(because youthfulness = reproductive success, or viewed the other way around... old ladies = reproductive failure... i.e., no
eggs left in the carton, to put it bluntly). While male and female
ACTIONS may be completely different, their GOALS remain the same -- strong healthy babies to carry forth the species. This
is so because "maleness" and "femaleness" are really just two
different but complimentary STRATEGIES for reproduction -- and
men and women are compelled to behave differently in order to
executed these dissimilar strategies on one another.
You see, Nature doesn't care about hurting people's feelings -- it
cares ONLY about reproductive success in order to keep those
precious DNA molecules traveling forward in Time. The dance of
and seduction -- in all creatures -- is linked inseparably to
this biological imperative. Go against it and you're
flying in the
face of millions of years of evolution (or maybe its design, who
knows?). Learn to play by it's rules... and you will win!
* * *
Anyway, being the correct sort of nice guy to women really only
means being someone who is A) safe, and B) a guy that she would NOT be
embarrassed to show off to her family or close
(judgmental) friends. Understand that there's a lot of latitude in
there between a kiss-ass wimp and a complete psycho. Your job is to find that happy middle.
* * *
Alright, some practical application of theory. It's difficult to
describe exactly how to go about handling the issue of being a
nice guy, but here's my best try...You never want to ACT like a nice guy around women, but......you always want to SEEM like one.
Can you get a sense of what I'm trying to say here? The
problem with being nice is TRYING to be nice, instead of just
LETTING it happen. You can't come across as an *obvious* a nice guy -- you just have to
drop enough hints around women so
that you SEEM like one. Never, *EVER* broadcast your nice guy
potential to women like it's something that you're proud of!
Here's a few examples of what I mean:
- When you first meet a woman that you're attracted to, you
must establish a NON-verbal line of communication in a way that
provokes stirrings of instinctual mating thoughts in her subconscious "deep" brain. In other words, you need to
transmit your interest in her in a man-woman potential
way *without* actually speaking any words to that effect! Nice
trick, eh? Actually it's easy... two ways in which you can do this
are with extended eye contact and brief, non-offensive touches.
Both casual, but unmistakable in their true meaning to her.
- Drop HINTS about you're capacity to be a nice guy, but don't
demonstrate it -- otherwise you will come off like a complete
kiss-ass. Do this by A) slipping in suggestions of having strong
family-friends relationships in your life (a sign to women that
you're "connected & normal"), or B) that you have something
exciting going on in your life -- either at work, as a hobby, or
perhaps a recent adventure of some kind.
Here's an example from my own experiences. I used to work for
a photography company. Sounds exciting, eh? Not really. The amount of time I spent with a camera in my hand was less than
5% of the total time I was there. I mostly did boring lab work and
mechanical "McGuiver" tricks to keep a lot of old, over-used
equipment up and running. But maybe a half dozen to 20 times
a year, I got to fly around in light planes shooting aerial pictures
around the Western New York area for various commercial clients.
||So when I'm chatting up a girl, sometimes I'll work in a quick little
anecdote that's drawn from one of my old flying jobs. Like how
the snow pack collecting on Lake Erie forms such beautifully colored cracks in the greenish ice sheets during the
mid-winter. But I make nothing more of it, all very nonchalant...and I DON'T fully explain how I came into the position of flying
around the area and making such an observation in the first place. Is it through work? A hobby?... What am I involved in
that would give me an opportunity to view this natural wonder?
Business travel? What?
She's at least a little bit curious about me now, but she's not
comfortable asking questions since I've just rolled over the
subject quickly and she doesn't really know me well enough yet.
Besides, (and this is important to understand) she LIKES not
knowing! Mystery! Intrigue! I've suggested to her in an off-hand
way that I'm a
productive guy (safe and normal) who's into
SOMETHING that's kind of fascinating and possibly making me good money -- but without revealing too much about what it is,
and especially NOT explaining every last detail in the droll,
somewhat braggartly way that is the hallmark of the boring-as-hell nice guy.
You can drop hints about family ("connections", i.e. I'm not a
lonely, desperate hermit) or whatever in a similar manner to
show her that you're an okay (nice?) guy without piercing the
delicate bubble of MYSTERY that must envelope every seduction.
Now you're "in like Flynn" in terms of getting your foot in the door
to her heart (this is only Step 1 remember). Why? Because she's made the determination in her *subconscious* mind
(where it really counts) that you "seem" like a nice guy beneath
an otherwise dominant male presentation of yourself, and that
piques her interest immensely.
You are a rare encounter in the universe of men that breaks
down into either sappy, boring "nice guys" or worthless (but,
alas, exciting) pricks. Your stock has gone up at the moment it
matters most... that make or break moment OF FIRST
ENCOUNTER. No matter what "flaws" you might otherwise
imagine yourself to have, you have become interesting to her in a
way that AT LEAST she'll never categorize as friggin' "nice".
NOW you have a shot! And you can move on to Seduction Steps 2, 3, 4, etc. with the
confidence of a High Status Male!
How do I win
being a nice guy?
Mike Pilinski is the
author of "Without
Embarrassment: The Social Coward's
Totally Fearless Seduction System"... a unique method
of meeting girls that will have you making up for wasted time spent living in shy-guy
hell from the very first moment
you test it out.