is not easy to end a relationship for
anyone (Related link: When
is a good time to breakup?). It is even harder when you
don't know what went wrong and if you
are in love with the other person.
At the same time, one has to understand
that a relationship exists only when two
people want to have it. Otherwise
it is over. Once that happens, it
is perfectly fine to do your best to
save it but then comes a point that you
just have to move on. We recently
helped Beth, a woman from
California. We are publishing the
exchange with Beth for the benefit of
other women who may be in similar
Breakup for the first time)
Beth: I posted my
personal ad on an
online dating website
(Related link: How
to find love online?) and found a wonderful 55-year old man. I found him to be very nice and genuine. We dated continuously. We planned things together, and found ourselves always together. We finally decided to live together (after months of dating). He told me that he was looking for a
wife and I was looking for a lasting, long-term relationship. We were so much "into" each other. I could not believe that I had actually
found my soul mate
online (Related link: Who
is a soul mate?). There was nothing that I wanted that he would not give me. He did everything for me. Then I noticed him changing about a month and a half ago. He became irritated if I did not do things the way he wanted it done or when I started spending my own money.
And then one fine day he wanted me out of "his" house the coming Friday by 3 PM. So, I am literally without a place to
live with my dog. From what I know about him, he has been alone too long. I wonder if this has made him a
control-freak. He is never wrong, and will never say he is sorry. He had me controlled by "giving" me things and planning trips and fun things together. My thought is that he was doing these things to hide his sadness and insecurities. I can not seem to go on without this man. I am in love with him, but, I am being turned away, almost as though he wants me to hate him. He is in my skin, mind, and soul. I want to move on but I am
stuck. I am still hoping that he "wakes up" and notices me and the goodness in me and want to be with me for the rest of his life; as I was prepared to do for him. He led me to believe that we would be together. We still have plans on the books.....he walked away from my love. Please help!"
Pierre Coda: We discussed your case and we think that there are two possibilities:
- He has met someone else or somehow has changed his mind about a
relationship with you. Instead of
confronting you directly, he just is making your life difficult so that you will move on.
- He is depressed for whatever reason and needs to see a doctor.
While I can understand
the strong feelings that you have for him and the unfortunate set of conditions you are in, it appears that for all practical purposes, this relationship is over. There is little hope for salvaging this relationship. It will be best for you to simply move on.
April Masini, the romance
Goddess, suggests that when your partner
changes, you have three options: change
them, live with the new person, or get
hell out the door (Related
link: Dump or not).
I believe that it is time that you only
have the third option left. We also know that the world is full of wonderful people and people like you are finding romance and relationships literally every day.
Life after divorce)
Beth: This is very difficult for me to accept (the relationship being over and for me to move on). Although I am
convinced that this is what I HAVE to do, I still miss him and love him. He took my happiness and a big part of me and it is very difficult for me to find me. I thought of him "finding" someone else. He is not very personable. He
online. He is still "keeping in touch" with me in his ways. I want to move on. Everything that we did and the places that we went, is a constant reminder. I am moving out of this state, just to get away from all of the reminders. All I would like is for him to
communicate his feelings so that I can tell him how hurt and painful this has been for me, then I can say that I have closure.
Brittany Murphy Joe Macaluso breakup)
Pierre Coda: I
understand why you would like to have a
long talk. It can be frustrating
to realize that the person with whom you
spent all those romantic times and
poured your love on him does not even
want to listen to you. But you
know what, he doesn't seem to care and
the sooner you are out of California,
the better it is for you. While
you guys have already broken up here is
another nice article
on how to have a clean
I do not think that
this man is going to make you happy the
rest of your life. Susie and Otto
Collins, the author of the bestseller Should
You Stay, Should You Go, write,
"If you're in a relationship that isn't working and you're not sure what to do, we'd like you to know that there is hope for a great relationship no matter how
desperate your situation appears right now."
In another article
on dating after divorce,
I say that while it might appear to be
intimidating at first, but dating
another man is not going to be that
difficult since you will be wiser this
How to put a relationship on hold?)
Recommended links: Take
some time off from dating after a
way to break up
Russell Simmons girlfriend
Hard to move on after breakup
Second thoughts after breakup
I regret breaking up
How I broke up
with my boyfriend?
Breaking Upwards movie