My younger boyfriend wants kids but I don't

Hannah writes, "I am a divorced 38 years old dating a 30 year old guy.  I have two teenager daughters.  We're totally in love, he doesn't care about our ages, and he already asked me if I want to have more kids.  My 16 year old daughter doesn't like the idea.  I am also not sure if I am prepared to go through another pregnancy and raise a child.  He says that I look younger and would do just fine as a mom.  My friends believe he is too young for me, but I have to say that he is more mature than a 40 year old.  I do not want to scare him, but I think after 5 month I have to be clear.  Should I ask him about his plan?" 

Let me deal with each issue one at a time:

1. All kids feel a little jealous when a sibling comes and the situation gets a little more complicated when the kids are teens.  They are grown up enough to realize how their lives will be complicated and will change as a result of their mom getting married and then having a kid.  While they may be young enough not to be afraid for no reason and as an adult you can convince them, you still have to assess what it will mean for your relationship with your daughters.
2. Doctors consider someone at your age of advanced maternal age.  While women do get pregnant and have healthy babies, many women face huge challenges getting pregnant and sometimes have babies with genetic disorders.  Others get pregnant through in vitro fertilization or using donor eggs and these procedures can be expensive and emotionally hard of many families.  Many such procedures result in multiple births.  In other words, you two have to consider what happens if you don't get pregnant naturally.
3. Marriage of a couple means a few years of fun without any responsibilities.  In case you two want a kid, your doctor will probably advise you to start NOW.  That means that instead of building a relationship with a new husband and trying to integrate him into your family, you will be dealing with a newborn.
4. The age gap between you two is just 8 years and it is insignificant compared to other emails that I have been receiving where the age gap is as high as 25-30 years, in other words, people are marrying someone old enough to be a parent or child.  So I wouldn't worry too much about what the friends think as long as you two have a great relationship.  I totally agree with you that I have seen 30 year olds with the maturity of a 50 year old and also seen 30 year olds that literally seem like teenagers.  In the end it is the emotional maturity that matters rather than age and as cheesy as it may sound, age is only a number.  If this is the right man for you, then, he is the best man on the planet for you, regardless of what your friends think.

My suggestion would be that you first think through what you want, talk to your daughters, and then present the options to your boyfriend.  It is understandable why he may want a kid of his own, but if that is not what you and your daughters want, then it is best that he be allowed to move on and find a woman that will gladly give him a child.

Should I adopt a child with my younger boyfriend?

Maribelle writes, "I am a 64 year old woman who was married for 27 years and has two children, one 30 and another 23. They are both on their own. My husband and I have been separated for 7 months. I moved to Mexico for change of environment and to evaluate how I wanted to spend the rest of my life and met a man who is 27 years my junior. We have fallen in love. He is a surfer, organic farmer and financially independent like me (I am convinced that he is not looking to grab my retirement savings). We have separate homes. He thought I was maybe 45 or 52, the oldest I could have been in his mind. He fainted when he found out he was in love with a woman old enough to be his mother. We have talked about it all and have become comfortable with our age difference. We went out in public for the first time and found out that we could be out without feeling uncomfortable. We walked arm in arm and flirted with each other openly; it was refreshing because we have been keeping our love a secret. We both know we have to live in the moment because this is such a gift to both of us to find this love. We are very compatible in so many ways that it scares us. We both feel like we have been given a potion of love, we feel bewitched and live in a bubble of love where everything looks beautiful and doable. I feel so full of life and I don't remember having such a wild sexual experience as this. I thought those days were over but it seems I am getting younger by the day. I feel very confident and we have such wonderful conversations and the affection is overflowing. It makes me nervous because I have never been so in love as this. He too has never experienced this love. He does want children and talks to me about adopting together and getting married. I have an issue with being a Mommy again. We want to be together. Can this work?"

What a beautiful story and I am so happy for you. I hear from a lot of women like you who have found love with a younger man.

Obviously, like any other relationship, these relationships have challenges and one of the big ones is the desire of these men to become fathers. I think most of them recognize that they have to make some sacrifices in order to enjoy their relationship, and that is why, if you absolutely do not want to deal with diapers and toys, you must tell him so forcefully. To be very honest, it is simply not fun for you to take care of a child at this stage. You have already done that and it is time for you to just sit back and enjoy life.

If he truly loves you and wants to have that "father" experience I think he is old enough to act that role out with your children or get involved in the community by helping disadvantaged kids with soccer or Math or whatever talent he has. Hopefully, for the sake of your love for each other, it is a small sacrifice that he will happily make. If not, then, you should both discuss how to resolve it so that both of you are happy. If this is as beautiful a relationship as you say, you both might have to make some compromises.

How to introduce younger boyfriend to family?

When a mature woman starts to date a younger man, it is no longer the case that she will be ostracized but despite the fact that it is more commonplace now, she still faces challenges.

One of the problems she faces is how to introduce a younger lover to friends and family. The key is that whether you are a mature woman or not, always introduce your boyfriend as a special person in your life.

How to be sexy like the French women?

This is a follow-up to my previous article on why gym clothes are to be used only when working out.

A lot of you ask (write to me with your questions or thoughts) me how to be a sexy woman, and it ain't an easy question since not only we all have varying opinions on what makes ME sexy, others might have even more different opinions on what makes me sexy.

Maybe we can learn something from the French. Elaine Sciolino, a New York Times journalist says that "For French women, being sexy has nothing to do with age and everything to do with attitude."

While most women in their 30s and 40s and older that I see in the supermarket are not MILFs but women so obsessed with being good soccer moms that they look like trash. On the contrary, a recent study found that 90% of French women over 50 are dating actively, often younger men and are very adventurous in bed.

So what is the secret of French women?

According to Sciolino, the sexiest French women seem naturally skilled in the art of moving, smiling and flirting. She writes, "Chic French women prefer to peel and polish rather than paint their faces. Too much makeup, they say, makes a woman seem older, or worse, “vulgaire.” (Related: Makeup to look younger)

Like Japanese women, French women too spend close to 20 percent of their clothing budgets on lingerie. Just putting on a pair of lace or satin thongs will make you feel different. The other important thing to remember is how to wear your lingerie. If you don't know do some research on the Internet, or as the French do it, hire a stripper to teach you how to wear and how to undress.

My wife likes younger men

That is exactly what Tommy writes. "Is it fair to think my wife who is 50, petite, and very attractive, is attracted to younger single men? She's flattered by it, or is just curious. There's one guy - I think in his late 20s - that has his eyes upon her. Is that robbing the cradle?"

From the emails that we I get and people I have interviewed, indeed, this is the new trend. In the past it was just the older guys chasing younger women. For a variety of reasons, younger men are increasingly interested in older women and these women are taking advantage of it.

Why would a maried woman do it? She could be a flirt, seek attention to feel better about herself, find the idea very appealing because it scandalous, or is not satisfied with her current relationship.