 Terry
writes, "I
lived in Japan for ten months and
studied at an International High School as an
exchange student.
Living
with a Japanese family and going to high school
helped me
understand Japanese culture a lot. I
met my boyfriend whilst I was there. He's really
sweet and kind ^_^ We first had a chat (about soccer)
when I was buying my train
ticket. Then, afterwards, he
asked for
my number and I apologized for not having a
mobile
phone. About a week later he found me and walked
with me to school and then found my classroom and gave
me his email address during
lunch time. His hand was kind of shaking at the time
and it looked like something out of a dorama; I
was very touched. We've been emailing each other almost
every day since my return to the United States. There
have been a couple of cultural things I've gotten used
to, like I would have to guess what was wrong when he
was upset. Like, I kept
rejecting
his dates (he wanted to go to an
Italian restaurant) because I wasn't allowed to
under my
exchange program rules. When I left Japan, after the
exchange program ended, I didn't expect to be
anything
more than friends with him, since I was gone and
it's
difficult to date someone who lives far away. But,
then over a month later, we still talk every day and he
sent me a message that he wanted us to
be a couple and
asked me
to be his girlfriend. I think it's a serious thing
because he told me his address in Japan as well as some
other personal things. I was very happy and said yes!
^_^ What do you think is he expecting from me? Would he
expect me to
live
long term in Japan with his family? Is he expecting
sex or
marriage? I mean, we're 18 and 19, which is still
very, very young. (^_^)"
Terry
further says, "My parents are fine with not meeting my
boyfriend until we're ready. But, I'm not sure whether
to ask in case it makes him feel obligated to meet them.
Do you think he'd want to meet them, or is that too
soon? My family is
traveling to Japan for a vacation next month.
My
Japanese girl friends only seemed to
bring their
boyfriends to
meet their parents after there had been a
marriage proposal, so maybe it's too soon for him to
meet them? ^_^`"
What do Japanese guys expect from
an American girl?
When a
Japanese guy suggests that you two become a couple
or when he asks you to
become his girlfriend, it typically means that he is
serious about the relationship and wants to take it
to the next level. Now, like anywhere else, I think his
expectations are similar -- yes, he would like to be
physically and emotionally intimate with you and I
think he hopes that you two will eventually
get married. At the same time, I am sure that he
appreciates that you two are a good 8,000 miles apart
and unless one of you relocates, it is better not to
have a
romantic relationship (I have done that US-Japan
thing and it is difficult).
So you have to give some thought to what you plan to do.
Will you consider relocating to Japan to be with him? Is
he interested in
going to college here in the US? If this is not
possible, it is better to maintain a
good friendship and
stay in touch through emails and
Vonage (Related:
How to use Vonage for free) and maybe from time to time you should see if
visits are possible. Being romantically involved and not
spending
enough time together means that you will not be able
to date someone here and that would be too hard on you
with no guarantee that a relationship with him will work
out. However, if you two remain friends, you can always
see what happens in the years to come. A reader of mine
decided to
major in Japanese at the University of Hawaii,
dated
a bunch of Japanese guys there, and then eventually
married a Japanese man and relocated to Japan, and
is now happily living in
Tokyo.
So anything is possible.
Meet the parents
As you already know
Japanese people can be very shy so ask your friend
if he wants to meet with your family or not. Tell him
you are fine either way and if he decides to meet them
you plan to introduce him merely as a good friend and
not as a boyfriend yet. That will take the pressure off
of you both. |
