| Summary: Below is the
case of a married American woman trying to fight boredom
and loneliness in Japan by dating single Japanese men.
Unfortunately, she is realizing that men often get
scared of married women because they are not sure what
to expect. Plus, the language barrier can make
things complicated. Read what she can do to
approach Japanese guys. |
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Jamie,
an
American woman who works at the
military base in Japan, writes, "I had
worked with a
Japanese man on and off for the last few
months. When we were alone he would talk to me
and then other times not, especially if someone
was around.
I am married and he is single. I am White
too. I invited him to a
club one time and he said he would let me
know if he was going. He didn't tell me he was
going, but he was there. He didn't
dance with me alone, but in a group. He
doesn't speak English well. He saw me at the
bar there and we engaged in small talk. I
went back to my friends and then later he walked
to me to
say goodbye. A week or two later I saw him
and asked if he was going to a
party at the Club. He said yes. I saw him
there and he really didn't say much. Later my
friends left me there so I could stay and maybe
talk to him. I sort of talked to him, but
appeared to want to
dance or talk with the other Japanese girls
and his other friends. He was worried about me
drinking. he said, and we had other little
conversation like he wanted a
Japanese American girlfriend.
He
bought me a drink and then he
danced with me a song or two. I ended up
telling him that I liked him even though I was
married and he said he liked me too. I told him
to call me when I left to go home and
he
took my number. Later that night I called
him to tell him I was home and then said good
night." |
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| She continues, "He called me that
next morning to say good morning, told me he was eating
breakfast with a friend and if I would want to have
dinner with him. He had his English speaking friend
talk to me, but then changed his mind saying he had to
prepare for an exam that he was taking. I spoke to his
friend who took my email to write to me. I thought it
was for speaking to me about my
object of desire, and not himself. Then the one I
liked got back on and said next week dinner and I
agreed. I have not heard from the one I like. I did try
and call two days ago and he returned my call back 3
hours later, but I was asleep. No voicemail. I am
confused. Does he think that I like his friend cause I
emailed? Was that a mistake?" |
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Married women always have difficulty
dating unless they hide their marital status
The fact that you are a white American,
married, and his English is awful is definitely not helping,
but he also
appears to
be shy, probably very conscious of his poor English (you
know when I first
went to Japan and barely
spoke
any Japanese, I would talk even with the few words I
knew but I found that
Japanese people are very self-conscious and do not like
to make mistakes and are afraid of speaking even when they
seem to know a lot of words) and is still a bit rattled that
a
married American woman likes him (while
having an affair is not such a big deal in Japan, the
Japanese people have this image of
Americans who are just so religious and
faithful to their spouses walking around all the time
with pictures of their spouses and kids in their wallets).
I do not think any damage has been done except that you
maybe moving too fast for him. So be persistent but slow
down a bit. Maybe he did not leave a voicemail because
voicemails are not common in Japan and he may not be
confident of his English. So this weekend, maybe give him a
call to see if he has time to
have a
cup of coffee and try to use a Japanese speaking friend
if possible to help with
communication over the phone. And try to minimize
contact with that English speaking friend of his because it
might simply make it very confusing for everyone.
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| Related:
Relationship with a married Japanese woman |
