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Managing
expectations is key in interracial relationships
Interracial
marriages can be challenging but not impossible
By MYNIPPON Team
Continued from previous page: Inter-racial
relationships
Once
you have mastered the language, then move on to understanding the culture.
Watch
Japanese soap operas and movies, listen to the music
(especially classical music), and read whatever fancies you.
Ask questions about whatever you don’t understand.
Don’t miss an opportunity to mix with other Japanese –
especially the types that speak only Japanese.
The message here is – immerse yourself.
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Now
comes the third part – manage your expectations and align them with
hers/his. Mark in Australia
knew right away when Reiko came to spend some time with him that she was
not interested in a long-term, committed relationship with him.
For her, visiting Australia was meant to be a liberating experience
– away from people she knew so that she could indulge herself in things
that she could not do at home. For
example, being admired by several men at the same time. Since she had the professional experience of working as
a Japanese hostess, she how to remain distant while appearing to be close.
All this came as a shock to Mark when she announced her lack of
feeling to him when she traveled to another city, thus freeing herself for
a new acquaintance, without the moral baggage of a partner in a distant
city. Mark now admits that if
he had understood the cultural differences better in the beginning, he
would have acted differently.
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 Sarah,
a 16-year old American girl, who fell in love with another Japanese
teenager, did exactly what adults should be doing.
Being young, she had the liberty of not worrying about a long-term
relationship. Thus, her
expectation was to learn more about him.
She summarizes her one year romance with Ai, “I've been fond of
Japanese culture and language for about 5 years now. This past school
year, while I was a sophomore, I had the opportunity to meet one of my
dearest friends. He was the school's foreign exchange student from Japan.
Pretty soon we started going out and we went to the prom (How
to buy a prom dress) together
(he was a senior), we spent the winter and summer breaks together. For that time period, we were practically inseparable.
I showed him everything I could. He taught me so much. Do these
interracial romances work? I couldn't have asked for a richer and more
beautiful relationship. It was fantastic. I put forth a lot of effort to
be more aware of his culture, language, and all the little subtleties in
everything. It allowed us to become so unbelievably close. And while I
type this, he's getting ready to return home. True, we broke up because
we'd be so far apart for so long, but we still love each other dearly. I
know he's learned from me that we gaijins aren't all so bad and we
can be just as kawaii if we want.”
Sarah’s
experience summarizes everything that one needs to do when you get a
chance to be with a Japanese. Learning
the language and about culture, getting to know each other as individuals,
and respecting each other’s expectations.
The Japanese believe in the beauty of the moment (something that is
evidenced by the number of numerous
photographs that they take) and we
should learn to appreciate that. The
outcome will indeed be beautiful. In an inter-racial relationship,
the traditional approach cannot work because there are other factors at
play beyond the standard man-woman issues.
Recommended: Interracial
relationships Can
interracial relationships work? Manage
expectations in inter-racial relationships
Loving
relationship of an interracial (American-Korean) couple
Latinas
relationships Latina
girlfriend
Latino Japanese relationship
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