| We
recently completed some research work into the growing popularity of
romance among Asians and non-Asians.
It has been known for a long time that non-Asian men were
interested in Asian women for their stereotypes – Asian women were
submissive, family oriented, homemakers, and good wives.
They were presented in such form by the media and men rushed to
Asia to find their partners. Since
Asian men were not so open-minded and non-Asian women did not take the
first step either, the relationships did not occur and that is the reason
that it is still hard to find couples where the men is Asian and the women
is non-Asian (read our analysis of
resources for online dating).
Things
are changing, though! And it
seems that it is the non-Asian woman that is opening her mind and is
looking at an Asian man as good husband material.
When we contacted some Asian men and asked about their opinions
of non-Asian women, they were actually very open-minded and completely
discounted the value of these women trying to become more ‘Asian’.
In fact the very reason they will choose a non-Asian woman is that
she is not Asian.
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As
Tan, a Chinese man, advises such women, “Be frank and open about all
issues. There is no need to pretend or act in any 'perceived Asian ways'
– submissive, overtly obedient, etc. Notice the word is PERCEIVED”. Masahiro, a Japanese male, agrees. “I want to have a beautiful life full of love, which I can
not have with an Asian woman. I
really love when a non-Asian woman expresses her emotions directly. For
example, when a western couple meets each other, they always kiss, which
can't happen in Japan. I envy that kind of relationship. And by the way, I
like their beautiful eyes and even their personalities”.
Another Japanese man says, “Be who you
are. Be soft, talkative, down
to earth; a girl may charm me just by being herself.” |
 It
appears that Japanese men in particular expect a non-Japanese woman to be
what a Japanese woman is not. As
a Japanese man who lives in Sweden writes, “This is the typical Japanese
man’s behavior when they meet a "gaijin josei", perhaps
myself included. I have witnessed that relatively large number of Japanese
men who prefer western women are not experienced in dating in
Japan,
idealizing women in rather selfish ways, and expect impossible tasks from
western women. They think they can have everything from a western woman what
they can not have from a Japanese woman.”
It
appears that efforts of western women and Asian men to open up their minds
is resulting in some interesting
relationships.
Western women are now realizing that they can be themselves and be
admired for what they are rather than having to change themselves if they
want an Asian lover. A lot of
misconceptions about them are disappearing and western women are learning
that they can be as passionate as anyone else in the world.
Sooji, who is now happily married to a fellow Australian, had
romances with several Japanese men in the past and thinks very fondly of
those moments. “I had some
passionate affairs with Japanese men while I lived there several years
ago, but one in particular I can't stop thinking about. I think of him
constantly! I know what you mean about the outward timidity of Japanese
men that often hides their "icy fire". Anyhow, I just wanted to
let you know that some of us red-blooded women out here who know
just what Japanese men are all about”, she recalls with tears in her
eyes and smile on her face.
Monica,
a Mexican woman in mid twenties, recently ended a three-years relationship
with a married Japanese man. She
tells us, “I love this man so much, but I am convinced I won't be with
him all my life, since he is married with children, and 20 years older
than me. But these facts do not keep me from being obsessed with Japan and
Japanese man. I want a Japanese man! I just want intimacy with a Japanese man!
I am going through a very disturbing time in my life, when I have to
decide whether to get rid of my obsession or to follow it. And for now, my
only solution is: time will say.”
There
are a lot of other women out there who are doing their best to find a
Japanese lover. With the
horrible conditions of Japanese companies, most of them are not sending
many executives (most of whom tend to young, single men) overseas.
Kristina in Portugal dreams of going to Japan or meet a Japanese
men in her country. “My
dream is to find soon my enchanted Japanese prince!
In Portugal, it is very hard to see Japanese people, so I feel a
very great emptiness in my life, and I feel like I am missing something in
my life. Well, I guess I am
losing the best moments in my life, because I cannot go to Japan at this
moment. People say I am
crazy, but my love for Japan, is bigger than anything else in this
world”, she tells us.
Recommended links: How
to find a relationship with a Japanese?
Dating Japanese American |
