to approach men?
have to overcome your shyness; otherwise, you lose the opportunity
our readers write to us with a question, we read each one of
them and try to respond to the best of our abilities. We
also publish some of the responses on our network of
websites if we think that the topic could be of interest to
other readers. However, from time to time, we
solicit comments and suggestions from our readers. This is
one of those cases. We were able
to help Sue based on suggestions from our readers.
Sue writes, "I am a 21-year-old girl in Singapore and I have a rather unusual problem that has been driving me nuts. Recently, I find myself feeling very attracted to this total stranger who is an employee at my rather large company (so it is hard to call him a
Actually I am a very shy
girl. I thought of writing him a note or something and I got it all out but just couldn't gather enough courage to pass it to him. I sense his attraction to me (after careful observance for 2+ months), but still we have made no progress. I would really like to be his friend and know more about him. I am wondering if someone could help me since I really feel helpless about this whole situation. Incidentally, I am
quite an attractive
girl. I have a casual dressing style and I like
colors. I consider myself to be a romantic person and have had one
relationship so far. I think we broke up since we could not
communicate well – I am
as I said, and he would not ask me enough questions. I consider myself to be
even hot and I have seen this guy looking at me all the time. Other than looking at me, he has not even smiled at me. I like interesting men who are able to communicate well with me, are kind, intelligent, compassionate, and somewhat emotional."
Some men are extremely shy too, and this man happens to belong to that group. At least till they get to know you, these men will generally not make the first move especially with a "colleague" where they may feel that they could get into trouble with those monsters in the HR department. It appears, though, that this man is also attracted to you.
And it is no longer a taboo for a woman to approach
In a recent survey by Perfectil, 64 percent of women stated that they would happily
ask a man to marry them and
36 percent are comfortable to make the first move to approach men and chat them
If there is some way to at least introduce you to him (without passing a note) please do so. If you run into him in the hallway or the elevator, you can always ask about the lunch menu since that is where you see him any way. You could even suggest that you eat together sometime. An even better excuse is to show interest in his work and tell him that you have always wanted to work in that department and maybe he can tell you more about it so that you can make up your mind. Tell him that you would love to hear from someone who knows the department well.
African American women and Japanese men)
We would suggest that you first take a totally non-romantic approach so that no embarrassment is caused to either party. Remember men are very
concerned about facing rejection so why not make the first move yourself? Take a proactive approach and there is no fun in feeling helpless and just letting the opportunity go away.
(Related article: Approaching the person of your dreams)
Several women have told us how they lost an opportunity to be with a
man of their dreams just because of their shyness. Others have told their stories of
how they overcame their shyness and took the courage to express their love to the man they liked. Almost everyone, however, asks Sue to be bold, creative, and adventurous in approaching this man. Timothy Lau says, “Go ahead with the guy you love! Why? Because there is no other guy who is so perfect than him. You know him better than the other guys.”
Amy Sacco, a nightclub owner in New York tells Allure in an
interview that a woman should make eye contact with an
attractive man, approach him herself or respond positively if he
does so after the initial eye contact, then find a connection to
get the conversation going, and wrap it up to create a sense of
Rob Hill thinks that it is a better idea to approach him in as casual a manner as possible to gauge his interest and overcome initial shyness. He points out, “Men are sometimes shy but once you get to know them on friendly terms, they will open up. Try finding him when he's on his own and ask him the time or something like that. Even though it may not be saying much, at least, you have made that first contact. Then whenever you walk by him,
smile at him and chances are he will smile back. From then on you can
start making small conversation whenever you see him”.
Mark suggests that Sue should even try to sit close to him at lunchtime to expedite things or otherwise Sue might regret it. Dave Tolan advises, “It matters little what he does or might do. If this is important to you, make it happen, say "hello," and introduce yourself. If he has even the slightest interest in you, he'll take advantage of the opportunity. Here's something else: don't force yourself, have fun with this. And last, when you two finally do get around to talking, talk about his favorite subject - him. He'll be more comfortable talking about a subject he's most familiar - himself.”
How to approach an Asian man)
Edmond has written a long message and says, “One thing is for sure, this is a serious "CRUSH" you got there. Sue, your being in love with this person maybe temporary and you shouldn't be too worried about it. Love isn't there to make people feel sad or aggravated on getting it. Love is to care and to show that you love and care for that person or thing. Words alone won't change everything, even though your speech or charisma is good. Action is the golden move to achieve something you want. WORK ON IT, MATE!”
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