How can couples deal with ED?

Kay is a good friend of mine for over seven years now, and while not important, we have never met. I ran into her at a bulletin board in 1997 and since then we have become great friends. We email each other all the time, exchange photos, and even chat on the phone or instant messenger. We might meet some day. As you can guess, we know a lot about each other and one of the things that she tells me is her private life, or should I say the lack of it.

Kay and her husband are intimate a few times a year. In fact when I talked to her last night and we just started to tease each other, she told me that she can not even recall when was the last time they did it (she guessed it has been several months now). She thinks her husband is otherwise a wonderful man and has everything else that a good husband should have; he just cannot be intimate with her because of what she thinks is ED. They have never seen a physician and it is something that they never seem to talk about as a couple. Surprisingly enough, she can tell me this but not her own husband because she does not want to make him feel bad. Mind you she is only 40, and as one friend of her advised her, has her whole life ahead of her. Many friends who know this ask her to get a divorce, which she does not want to even though she makes a good living as a piano teacher for kids.

I have been asking her to sit down with her husband and convince him to see a doctor. Even if he has ED, there is now a cure for it. Maybe he doesn't; in that case the treatment may be very simple. She and I have discussed possibility of having a "boyfriend", someone who will give her what she needs, but with no chance of a long-term relationship. She likes the idea but is not sure how to find one - someone who will do what she needs but without the complications. I approve of it though it is such a gray area. (Related article: Adultery acceptable sometimes)

Advice to couples when they suspect that ED is an issue

1. Talk to each other as two mature people. While you have rights in a relationship, you have obligations and duties too and satisfying your partner is an important one. If you cannot, you need to discuss what is the best way to deal with it.
2. See a doctor and a therapist. There is help available, so seek it.
3. Life is short, so enjoy it. Problems will not go away just because you do not deal with them. You have no right to make your partner's life miserable.

Recommended article: Tips for couples on a satisfying relationship