How to be nice to women?

Yes, dear men. You have to learn to be nice to women in your life not only because you are providing the women with an excuse to find a loving relationship with someone else but also because that is what brings joys to both of you.

Let me share a story with you. Neil and Mary are a couple in their 60s and live in London. I have known them for a couple of years and consider them to be good friends. We both share something in common - a link with Japan. I have lived in Japan while Neil and Mary host Japanese students in their home so that they can learn English. Mind you, they have yet to go to Japan but they seem to have learned a lot about Japan from spending months with their Japanese students.

Apart from dozens of stories that the couple shares with me, I was rather surprised hear this one from them:

"Yet another cute daughter of the great land of Japan, unhappy with her life, but not knowing quite what to do about it. My God, Japanese guys really don't seem to appreciate their womenfolk, if my students are anything to go by. I find them so sweet, cute, and likeable and I invariably start falling in love around the third day onwards!

It's difficult to report precisely what she said as a lot of it was done by little gestures, a pull of the mouth, helpless wave of the hand - typical indirect, subtle yet moving account of her emotional state of mind. She also had great dignity. She cried in response to my questions:

• Does your boss ever say you do a good job?
• Do your parents ever show you affection; say how much they appreciate you?
• Does your husband ever tell you you're beautiful?

The answer was a simple 'No, never!' followed by tears. I reached over and put my hand over hers. She slowly pulled hers away. I went and got tissues; she thanked me dabbing at her eyes. When we parted at the station we hugged and I kissed her hair. A few days later, a simple email thanking me and Mary for a wonderful time and promising to return to spend a holiday with us next year."

Based on my experiences dealing with dozens of couples, I know that this is not something that is happening in Japan alone. In fact it is happening right here in America where we consider ourselves to have the best family values in the world and family is everything. If you want to know what real America is like, take a look at "Desperate Housewives."

So how can you be nice to women?

1. Listen, listen, and listen. Yes, you might be saying that women talk too much. The bottom line, though, is that men still do not listen enough. Notice the improvement in your relationship once you start to listen.
2. Praise them even when there is no reason to. And praise them a lot when there is a reason and make it genuine. Women expect praise from men around them and it may be something that is simple, like her nail-polish.
3. Forget your performance in bed. They value hugs and cuddling more than anything else. Give those more often and you will become a darling in no time.

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