Women's feelings when they date younger men

As many of you know, I have been a big proponent of dating and relationships without any age barriers (Related article: Mature women date younger men). In my extensive discussions with couples, I have found that age has much less to do with wide age gap than is generally believed.

It was interesting, therefore, to have someone very close to me undergo this experience. I am always advising perfect strangers on how to succeed in their relationships if one of the partners is much younger but it was a totally new experience to have someone come and stay with us for two weeks. A family member, Jolly, 37, is undergoing a nasty divorce from her husband of 15 years. The guy cheated on her and is living with his new, younger girlfriend. Jolly has three daughters, one of them a teenager. Her ex-husband has not been particularly disciplined about paying child support or in any way making life easier for her. On the other hand, he uses the kids to play nasty games and harass Jolly.

We have been helping Jolly move on and that includes some financial support. But when she gave us the news of her dating a man who is 0nly 28, my interest was more than casual in their relationship. Then, in October they visited us for two weeks. This is what I learned about a woman's feeling when she dates someone younger:

• She feels younger. Jolly was a woman who was starting to get into that mode when women dedicate their life to their family and kids and forget about themselves. No wonder so many moms actually look as if they have not gone to the spa in 20 years or taken care of themselves or gone shopping for some trendy clothes.
• She is more positive about her future. She thinks that there is still so much left to do.
• She is full of life and wants to start all over again.

I was somewhat surprised by her boyfriend, Dennis' behavior, though. I think a man is young at 28 but this guy wants to think that he is even younger than that. I think the fact that he is dating a mature woman makes him feel much younger as compared to his dating someone around his age, or even worse, someone younger than him.

I think that it is an isolated case and other men may not behave in this manner but my wife and I were somewhat turned off by the fact that he made us feel "older" despite the fact that both of us are trying to age gracefully. My wife also pointed out that she observed that Dennis was also making Jolly feel that she was "old".

Advice to men and women who are dating someone with a wide age gap

1. Age is only a number. I have met 50 year olds with the heart and curiosity of a teenager and I have met 25-year olds who have lost the zest for life.
2. It is important that you connect with people based on other important attributes like compatibility, common interests and goals, and shared vision rather than age.
3. Finally, be nice to old people. Someone you will also get old like them and you probably are already older than many.

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