How to organize a Mardi Gras party?

One of the things that I like to do is to organize parties at our home. In any case, with almost 9 months of cold temperatures in New England, there are very few opportunities to do anything else. But you can't have the same type of parties every time. So what we do is to pick a theme and that is what makes it all the more interesting and that is why when we send out an invitation, people cancel their other engagements and come to our party. So this past Christmas, we decided to do a Mardi Gras/New Orleans (Bourbon Street)/French theme party. Mind you, we did not want a Mardi Gras festival in our home. We wanted a theme and so we thought that if we could borrow a few things from here and there, we will be all set.

Decorations for Mardi Gras Party

Since it was a Christmas party we decorated the house as we always do for Christmas but this time we did not use the traditional tree. In fact, I went into the woods behind our backyard and cut a branch of a maple tree that was just about 6 feet. I planted it in the family room and then we decorated it as always with ornaments. If you want to take a look at how our tree looked, a picture is at the bottom.

Mardi Gras paraphernalia for guests

We checked out a couple of online stores that sell Mardi Gras party supplies (you get the genuine stuff there since most of them are based in New Orleans). We bought throw beads, feather masks, and masks on a stick. Of course, we also bought some temporary tattoos with the Mardi Gras theme.

When our guests arrived we offered them beads and they could also pick a temporary tattoo which all of our guests were quick to apply. And everyone grabbed their masks. This was a great way for people to feel relaxed and get to know each other better.

Appetizers and dinner

Since our meal was expected to be an eclectic combination of New Orleans and French, this is what our menu looked like.

Wontons with figs and goat cheese
Pumpkin soup
French bread
Aubergine au gratin (eggplants)
Potato au gratin
Jambalaya
Creole style okra, corn, and tomatoes
Pecan pie

Entertainment

A lot of the time was spent at the party in essentially being playful and teasing each other. Secondly, it was a family gathering including kids so we kept everything "G"-rated but everyone had a great time. And just to be different, we played "Who wants to be a millionaire?" If you have a laptop, you can simply go to the website and play this game online. It is a lot of fun since the audience also gets a chance to participate.

Recommended article: Japanese style theme party

Secrets of success

Americans are famous (or should I say, notorious) for asking for instant gratification in everything. I get so many emails asking for tips on how to find a relationship fast or to look great or to lose weight in three days. I always tell them that while some people do win lotteries and some get really lucky once in a while, the vast majority of people fight for everything that they get. There really is no shortcut to success.

The book “The Road Less Traveled” talks about delayed gratification. Accomplishing great goals requires usually small steps. Someone said, “All great journeys start with one step.” One of the reasons new year resolutions and goals are two different things is that resolutions do not require plans, but goals require execution plans and controls. Instant gratification is a myth.

Do not base your life on the instant gratification principle. Most things in life require time and effort. If you work towards a goal and make sacrifices to accomplish this at the end, that goal will be better for you than the things you did not do in order to reach it.

If you want to lose weight, do not look for a diet that promises result in the shortest time possible. Look for a diet that works for you, that includes a variety of foods, that you can follow easily and it will teach you how to eat better for the rest of your life. This diet will give you long term results. This diet will give you results, little by little, slowly but surely. This is delayed gratification, but it is the safest and best path to follow.

If you are looking for the shortest way to everything, you are setting up yourself for disappointment, and sometimes, even failure. Life does not work according to our script; it has its own rhythm. If we follow this rhythm and make it a fun trip, we will be happier.

Recommended article: Relationship success secrets

Should you wait if you really love a man?

So many things have to go right in a relationship for it to work that it is almost amazing that we have relationships and that they work. One of the common challenges that couples face is related to long-distance relationships. Another one is when one partner is ready to commit but the other is not. It is not that he or she is not committed to the person but she/he just does not want to say the big YES because of the timing.

Margaret in Sedona, Arizona, has been dating a wonderful guy for about two years now. She is already settled down with a good job and two kids from a previous marriage. He is still in college and has two more years to go. (Related article: Challenges of dating a mature woman) She tells me that they both love each other and can't imagine a life without each other, but her boyfriend wants to wait till he graduates and has a career before he ties the knot. She says, "He does say that we have a future. It is just believing him. Do I wait for two years until he is done with his school? And think that things will work out for us. He says If I love him then I would have no problem waiting. But what if I wait and it doesn't happen. I have been there for him already for two years of his college life and I don't see the need to break up. I have supported him this long and I do want him to succeed. I tell him he will meet someone else and I will just be the thing in the past and he won't even look back so he might as well let me go now, so it won't make it any harder. And he says "no way" and walks away and cries. He is very sensitive and has no problem expressing himself at all. I love him very much. What do I do? Do you think that someone can be apart for that long and pick back up where they left off?"

Your situation is delicate and you have to decide how much risk you want to take. There is a strong possibility that he may simply walk away from you once he graduates and then you will be left with nothing. You will not only be "older" (and thus have a more difficult time finding another men two years later), you will be hurt even more. Having said that, these things also happen all the time to couples who are very close to each other in age. They also happen to couples after 20-30 years of marriage. Divorces and breakups are part of life and even more so today than 20 years ago. So there is never a guarantee that something will not end in the future. That is why it is important to live your relationship in the present, not in the future. No one has seen the future and we can not think about the future every time we think about what to do in the present. If you enjoy your relationship with him today, it is best not to destroy it with the fear that something may go wrong in the future, particularly when the other partner says that he is committed to it.

And yes, it is possible for people to wait and then have a relationship. And it seems that in your case at least you guys will be physically together during this time. I have myself had a long distance relationship with my girlfriend (and now wife) for years before I got married to her. If the love is there, distance and time can be managed. I know couples who waited for years before they got the opportunity to tie the knot. During this period they went through ups and downs, lived in different places, and faced all the challenges that life presents to all of us.

So if you both love each other then it makes sense not to end the relationship now and instead wait to see what happens.

Recommended article: Long distance relationships

Dealing with men who avoid commitment

While no relationship is easy, the ones where one partner is more mature than the other, can produce unique challenges. The traditional thinking that supports marriage and relationships among peers is based on the argument that when two people discover life together there is a shared sense of excitement and that is what makes it easier for both of them and is a lot of fun. When one partner has already seen/done that a million times, the response and perspective can be quite different. And that is why I recommend that the mature partner assume the role of the teacher and the younger partner become the student. But this not as easy as it sounds, particularly when the mental age of a person appears to be higher than numerical age. Thus the secret of success in such a relationship is about managing expectations. (Related article: Dating someone with age gap is the new trend)

Let us read what Mary writes, "My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years and he is 15 years younger then I am. He keeps going back and forth about saying he needs to finish college and he's not sure yet what he wants in his life. He says I am his world and he wouldn't even think about being with anyone else. Now mind you, this guy is very educated very spiritual. I would never think he is his age. I have gotten pregnant a few times with protection and he got really freaked out. He wants no kids at all. He just wants to focus on his career and on us and the two boys I already have, he says. But he says I am his whole life and future and everything, but he changes his mind every once a month. What do I do? It is driving me crazy. And we have now broken up for about two days. I have not met anyone in his family. He says for us to wait because he is in school and they are really old-fashioned and think he should focus on his education. His father knows about me but I have never met him. His parents are divorced though. Please help."

What are great things about her relationship?

Her boyfriend appears to be committed to her, has no problems with her or her children (something that often freaks out young men), and is very career-oriented. The fact that he is a spiritual man definitely helps as well.

I also don't see a problem with his not wanting any kids with Mary. In today's world, two kids is a lot of work and many young men and women no longer like the idea of having any/many kids.

Are there any problems with this man?

Absolutely. I am quite concerned that he has not introduced Mary yet to his family even after being together for two years. If you are bold enough to defy your parents and date a woman 15 years more mature than you, you better have the guts to bring her to your parents as well and proudly introduce her. It is quite understandable why a young man would want to focus on his education and career but even the most academic types have relationships in college that they are committed to.

What concerns me even more is if he is simply using Mary and is not interested in anything more substantial than someone to hang out with while he goes to college. Once he graduates, he can simply move on and leave her behind, again citing his career to be more important. (Related article: Commitment phobic men)

What should Mary do?

Since you have already broken up with him, you should not take the initiative to patch up with him. If he comes back to you, however, you really need to ask what is on his mind and how can you make sure that the relationship has a future. If he is not willing to do that, including formally introducing you to his family and being proud of his relationship, it is best for you to move on and let him pursue his career.

I want to point out that many men are intrigued by the idea of a relationship with a mature woman, the fact that it does not require the same level of commitment as a woman their age would demand/expect, and that a more experienced woman is somehow more exciting. It is quite understandable that he is still young, priorities at this age are different, and he has his whole life ahead of you, while you want something more stable, but that does not give him the right to "use" you.

Recommended article: Challenges of dating mature women

How to find lonely, desperate housewives?

Since the success of this television program, my in-box has been flooded with requests from men for tips on how to find a desperate housewife. Mind you, these are not just desperate men who want a casual relationship; many appear to be wonderful men who want to date (even marry) a desperate housewife because they think she is more likely to appreciate what they have to offer (apparently many single women do not appreciate their men enough).

So I went to some of my clients who have had really bad marriages and have thought of adultery and casual relationships. Many of them did find what they were looking for from the type of men that have written to me. So here is a summary of my research on how to find lonely, desperate housewives:

1. Women are by nature very romantic creatures and even when they have a one-night stand, somewhere in the corner of their heart, is a flicker of hope that this will turn into something bigger. In any case, they would not have had that one-night stand if they did not feel romance.
2. American women are not as desperate as the television program makes them out to be. Yes, many do lead lives that do not have any romance, passion, or intimacy but that does not mean that they are actively looking, what to say of being desperate.
3. As a society, while we universally condemn adultery, American people are among the most adulterous people. We have a whole economy that thrives on adultery (hotels that rent rooms by the hour, websites, clubs, etc.). Even our politicians, pastors, priests, teachers, and almost anyone we can think of is engaging in adultery.
4. To find a desperate and lonely housewife, you will need to do the same things that you will need to do to find a relationship with another woman. Plus, something more. For instance, in a relationship with a desperate housewife, discretion is an absolute must and that is why you must first be able to establish trust. You must also be able to give her almost everything that is missing in her life and that will vary by each woman. Men who have had success in finding a desperate housewife found the Internet to be the most effective and efficient tool. There are many websites that allow you to find a good match. And if you were thinking that you can get access for free, then you will be wasting your time. Only paid websites have real women and only paying members can actually have access to the women. So plan on spending some money and also you will have to be patient.
5. Do not ask for more than she is willing to give. Do not get emotional. Be a gentleman, always. And never open your mouth once it is over.

Recommended article: How to find a casual relationship?

Dating someone with big age gap is a new trend

I am starting to realize now that people dating someone who is much older/younger than them are no longer just celebrities or strange folks. They are people like you and I - regular folks that are starting to better appreciate the new realities that dating/relationships are about finding that intimate bond between two people rather than thinking of a partner as someone who they will marry, have a family, and live happily thereafter.

So I have selected two emails that I have received during last couple of weeks and they demonstrate that these folks are no longer shy about admitting that they love someone who is of a different generation and have no hesitation whatsoever in telling the world that they found happiness a little differently. Lorraine, a 43-year old who has been dating a 25 year old man for four months now says, " It is one of the most satisfying relationships I have ever had. I am able to be me, all facets of me without fear of threatening him. He's terrific, supportive, passionate and very loving. I never thought I'd be in this situation but hey who knows where love grows." And her guy must be like Robin who is only 23 but dating a 38-year old. He tells me, "We have so much in common that it is scary. Although, I know this relationship will most likely not result in marriage, I still wonder if I am damaging myself by now holding other men my own age to a much higher standard."

Or in other words, we seem to have a trend now: Date someone you like and forget the age. Another major indicator of a trend is the fact that there are businesses out there that are serving these people. A large number of online dating websites allow you to find someone in a totally different age group if that is what you want but most of the emails that I get are from those people who just happened to run into someone who was in a different age group but was otherwise a great partner.

Tips on dating a mature or younger person

1. Get rid of all obsolete ideas that your partner has to be around your age or even belong to the same generation.
2. Focus on the person rather than the age.
3. Experience matters in life. So if you are mature, share it with the younger one. And if you are young, do not be shy to take advantage of the mature person by being a good student and learning from her/him.

Recommended article: Challenges of dating mature women

What is adultery?

Do you have a clear idea what is adultery? When is adultery acceptable? Is adultery acceptable sometimes? Is online cheating adultery?

The answers are not so simple and can vary significantly by what your values are. While some argue that even a thought of another person may amount to committing (emotional) adultery while others approve of adultery when your relationship is dead but you are still together for whatever reason. The latter opinion is very popular among many cultures where divorce is not an option but the marriage exists only for the sake of the society.

Michael has written about Betty, a friend who became a widow recently. And then she bumped into a long lost boyfriend from high school who has been married all his life to the same woman. He writes, "I have been very supportive to her about this new relationship. I commented that his marriage must be over or he would not be calling and visiting her. I also suggested that she live each moment and not worry about his problems with his wife; that's his problem. They live over 1000 miles apart but he travels on business every month so he can see her. Obviously, his wife chooses not to travel with him on business trips. Your thoughts would be appreciated."

I am reminded of a similar story of how a couple who were friends in high school met after many years and had a relationship. I know for sure that in most cases adultery creates complications rather than solve any problems. If the other partner is clueless and trusts her/his partner completely, an unfaithful partner is doing a terrible thing by committing adultery.

So in my opinion, Michael's friend is not doing the right thing even though I have approved of adultery in some cases. And her old flame is not doing justice to either of the women. He is cheating his wife and Betty both. It is perfectly fine to pursue a relationship after widowhood but what if her old boyfriend does not want to give his complete self to her. The relationship is then meaningless. Betty has to ask herself what is she accomplishing by being in this relationship. Is it just reliving the old times? Or is it just intimacy? Does she realize that she may be destroying a family?

And let me conclude that it is not entirely Betty's fault. Her boyfriend has to think of the consequences of his actions too. Is he unhappy with his marriage? Why doesn't he do something about it? If he likes Betty so much, they can still be friends but not get into a relationship.

The questions about marriage and adultery are rarely so black and white. Both Betty and her boyfriend need to weigh the pros and consequences of their relationship and decide what can they live with without feeling any guilt. And what can Michael do? As a good friend, he needs to help Betty answer some questions that I have raised and let her try to answer them. It is not for him to judge her or decide for her. Good friends are there no matter what! But they do help their friends think through complex issues.

Recommended article: Consequences of adultery

Extra marital affairs do not always help

I wonder what is going on in America right now. We are less than two weeks away from Christmas and I have been swamped with emails from women who are in dead-end relationship. It could very well be that as we approach the end of the year, we start to re-evaluate our jobs and relationships and want to decide if we want to be stuck for one more year.

Let us take a look at what Peggy is going through. She is 52 and tells me that when she dresses up, she still looks pretty good and so does her husband who is 58. But what is the problem then? "I don't think nothing could help my marriage but to have an extra-marital affair and maybe my husband would find out and maybe things would change. I don't even know when was the last time we made love. I'm thinking about having an affair. Could you help?"

This is a bad strategy. To have an affair to prove to yourself that you are still desirable or to take revenge on your partner or to make her/him jealous. If you want to have an affair then have it to please yourself, not to hurt anyone else.

If your relationship is not working then what you need to do is to fix the situation. In my opinion, Peggy's situation is very similar to that of Karen's since both of you have husbands who have lost interest not only in their wives but also in life in general (otherwise, how could you just give up on your lovely wife?).

Recommended next steps when you are in a relationship that is no longer a meaningful relationship

1. Sit down and list all the things that you see are wrong with the relationship. Be objective and see who is at fault. It is OK to find that your partner is to blame for everything as long as you are objective and feel that you have done a fair evaluation.
2. Talk to your partner and mention that you would like to discuss something important about the relationship. You do not have to shout or fight but only mention what has been bothering you. Observe your partner's reaction. If s/he is ready to listen and do something about it, agree on what you can both hope to achieve in a reasonable period of time. Even if the objectives are small, it is OK, as long as the spirit is there to make improvements.
3. Agree on how you both will work on them, who is going to help and how, when will you review the progress, and what happens if the desired outcome is not achieved.
4. If at the end of this exercise, you still have no progress, it is time to pack your bags and leave. You will walk away with a clear conscience and guilt will never haunt you as you move on.

Back to the extra-marital affair issue. Well, if you do have someone in mind, and s/he is willing to keep it as discreet as possible, go ahead if you can engage in it without getting emotional. But in reality though, it might not help your existing relationship, and results might be disastrous if your partner finds out. What is better is that your partner starts to realize that if s/he does not pay the attention that you deserve, there are others out there who will assume the role for you.

Recommended article: When is a good time to break up?

When is a marriage over?

Nothing saddens me more than a story where a man has simply given up on his relationship and completely frustrated his partner. If it happens because the spouse is overweight or is unwilling to put in what it takes to keep the relationship strong, I can understand, but when it happens because of any other reason, then there is no excuse. Not even when the man suffers from erectile dysfunction.

Let us review Karen's case. She writes, "I'm a woman that is not fat, and there is nothing wrong with my libido. I do everything for my husband - all the farm work even the building. He sleeps on the couch, we never make love, he never hugs me, kisses me or associates with me at all but yells at me. I go to my room watch TV alone. I see him 2 hours a day; that's it. I can't cheat on him no matter what. I hate those vows, for better or worse. I'm the one with depression. What's up with this marriage? I have talked with him about it and he gives me an excuse, maybe it's my eye sight that I fall asleep. Boy is that lame! Is my marriage over? Help me!!!!"

Karen, sadly enough, your marriage is over. Even if you go for therapy, I don't expect any significant improvement. He has not only lost interest in you, he has lost interest in life. So it is not your problem; it is his problem. If you have the choice, throw him out of the house and move on. Remember it is your life and you only live it once.

I say this despite the fact that I am a strong opponent of divorce (Related article: Don't let your marriage fall apart). You are at a point when the only hope that you have is to get him out of your life. I have recommended adultery in the past to women like you so that you can at least keep your marriage together but I am not sure if that is an option for you. The only other thing that I can recommend is that you give him a 90-day period in which you both work to put your marriage back on the tracks. And tell him that if you are not satisfied with the relationship after that period, there will be no further discussion and the marriage is over.

Recommended article: Saving marriage in America

Jealousy is not good for a relationship

Margaret in Taos, New Mexico, writes, " am ridiculously jealous. I love my boyfriend, but my jealousy and insecurity is destroying our relationship. Even when he is talking to wives of his friends, I get jealous and start to suspect all kinds of things. I watch his eyes whenever we are in public and if he sees another woman even casually, I get terrified that he is not attracted to me. What can I do?"

Love starts with you. If you have insecurity problems, that may be reflected in your jealousy. What are you insecure about? Do you think your man or any other man cannot love you or love you enough? Do you feel you are not as attractive and worthy as other women? Take a moment and think why are you jealous, what are you afraid of? Write it down.

Now check the list and think rationally. Are your fears real? If you think you are not as pretty, you have two choices: either accept yourself as you are now, or improve yourself. But the bottom line is you have to like yourself, you have to love yourself, you have to be the friend you would like to have, and believe me, it is easy if you get to know yourself better and try to always become better. (Related article: Self esteem issues among women)

Tips to develop trust

Trust is the foundation of a good relationship. It means trust in yourself and trust in others, in particular, the ones closest to you. You have to trust that you are a loving, attractive woman with a lot to offer and your guy is lucky he has you.

Trust comes from positive thinking. Are you a positive thinker? Check your thoughts frequently; keep a score for a week or so. Every time you catch yourself thinking negatives, write it down. Every time you are talking negative about yourself write it down. If you are a negative thinker, you will walk in the world thinking negatively of others; you will not be able to trust and you will live in fear and stress.

You may have learned not to trust in the past through painful experiences, but it does not help to distrust. On the other hand, it is very negative and detrimental to your health and happiness. If you are a negative thinker, try to observe yourself and every time you think negatively, try to think in positive terms. You are essentially retraining your mind. It will take time and effort, but it will be very good for you in the long run.

When you feel jealous, think: I am worthy of his love and he knows it and he loves me. And if for any reason he does not appreciate it, there is nothing to worry about it. Life is about moving on. "There is a guy for me and I am going to find him. I only want the best man for me."

You have to devote time to get to know yourself and to have goals and dreams about your relationship. When you are happy as a person and secure as a woman you will be a better lover.

Love is based on many things and relationships on many more. Relationships are work and if you are not willing to put in that work, you have to be really lucky to have a long-term successful relationship.

Recommended article: Jealousy among women

Giving gifts with meaning

This is the time to shop for gifts for your loved ones. But apart from all the other challenges of shopping for gifts (what to buy for whom, will they like it, is it too expensive, etc.), there is another issue - meanings/messages that gifts have. Of course, a holiday gift is a great way to send that right message that you wanted to send throughout the year and couldn't but it can also present problems.

Gail writes about her husband who seems to give very expensive jewelry each year to his daughter from a previous marriage. In fact, sometimes the gift that Gail receives is less valuable than what her step-daughter receives. This has caused her a lot of mental pain and some conflict with her husband.

My first reaction was if there was anything hanky-panky going on between the two but Gail did not think so. The rule of thumb is that the price of a gift is generally directly proportional to the seriousness of the relationship. So when one gives an expensive gift (particularly an item of jewelry which has a more romantic connotation than say a digital camera) one is sending a very powerful message. For instance, I could gift an expensive cell phone to a distant friend if I know she badly needs a new cell phone and it might not mean much except that she will appreciate it. But if I buy her an item of jewelry of equal value, it sends a totally different message. But there are always exceptions and there are people who do things without thinking too much.

It seems that Gail's husband may be over-compensating for some past mistakes. For not giving them enough when they were young or there is some other guilt that he has and wants to make up for it.

I think that the best way to handle this is to have a discussion with your husband about personal finances. That way it does not get personal and he will not feel that you are attacking him or his daughters. Be objective and try to come up with a reasonable budget for gifts to family members (amount that he can spend, amount that you can spend, and amount that you both can spend). This will give him the freedom that he needs (and should get it) and also the freedom that you will have.

If your relationship with him is otherwise good, I would strongly encourage you not to make your life more difficult and spoil your relationship with him over what is something relatively small. I would be very concerned if the gifts were being given to another woman - that would be a problem.

Recommended article: How to avoid bankruptcy?

Rejection is part of finding a relationship

Patricia had a serious crush on her teacher at a language school (around her age, with a boyfriend that she often talked about in the class). She thought that her teacher was also interested in her for something beyond a teacher-student relationship though I was not sure. She was not attending a formal university so I was not sure if rules for dating students applied but what was causing me concern was that her teacher was probably a heterosexual and Patricia's advances would not go too far.

Patricia still wanted to try. She sent suggestive signals through her eyes in the class-room, hung around her attractive teacher a lot, and even suggested a couple of times that she join her for a lunch. Nothing worked. She tells me, "My class has ended officially with her today. After class, I told her that I've enjoyed her class and that she's a great teacher. She said that she hopes to see me go back to school and continue learning more. I might take the part-time class twice a week, but it's with another teacher instead. I tried asking her out for lunch today together with the receptionist at school and was rejected again. This is the third time I was rejected by her. I went for lunch with the receptionist. I don't know why, but I'm very sad, angry and disappointed with her response. I've decided to stop seeing or asking her out for lunch anymore. Although I have her email, I shall not contact her. Perhaps it's time I give up on her? Do you think I should?"

My reply to Patricia was:

"I guess it's over. The good news is that you tried your best. I guess you learned from it and that is good, because you can use this knowledge in the future when you explore a relationship with a woman who is openly heterosexual.

The other thing to remember is that finding love is about having the courage to ask for it and then having a positive attitude in case you get rejected. Rejection is very much a part of finding love. Those who do not know how to face rejection or do not want to face it will have a tough time finding love. So I want you to get the negative feelings out of your mind and never feel that there was anything wrong with you or your approach. Love is about that perfect chemistry between two people, and apparently you both did not find it.

I think it is a good time to move on but I would still suggest that you send her a greeting card for Christmas/New Year. Never burn your bridges; who knows what lies in store in the future for both of you."

Recommended article: How to approach the woman of your dreams?

Men who like to wear women's lingerie

Lingerie for men is a hot topic these days, particularly with the holidays being around and everyone looking for a gift. It is no secret that a large number of men, and not all of them are metrosexuals, like the design and style of women's lingerie, and since similar designs are not made available for men (except by some Japanese lingerie companies but these products are being sold only in Japan), what these men do is to buy women's lingerie and despite recognizing that they can sometimes be less comfortable, they try to make the best of it.

But men who wear women's panties are divided into two distinct groups. One, those men who wear them but no one else knows about it. And there are plenty of such men. Two, the few lucky men whose partners know it or sometimes even buy it for them, and in many cases if the sizes match, they actually share the lingerie drawer.

Men in the first group are generally quite miserable. While they like what they can do, they still feel that something is wrong about them because the women in their lives are not able to accept their tastes. Many men who have written to me tell me that when their spouses/partners found out they were called all kinds of names, threatened with a breakup/divorce, and treated with ridicule and disgust. (Related article: Women need to learn to appreciate men who have fine tastes in lingerie)

So when Graeme wrote to say that he loves to wear his wife's lingerie and that she loves him wearing them, we wanted to find out what tips he had for other men on how to approach the issue with their wives/partners?

Graeme says that having an understanding and loving partner is, of course, key. If your partner is closed-minded and has only one set of ideas then you will not only have to work hard to change it, you might actually never succeed. He says, "I guess it comes back to the intimacy aspect. The previous girlfriend let me wear her panties when we were intimate but my wife thinks that it is normal that I wear her panties, rather our panties. Of course there are some that simply do not fit me, however, they are worn during love making."

His suggestion to men who would like to enjoy wearing women's lingerie with the full knowledge of their partner is that they should take an interest openly in her lingerie, look in her delicates drawer, and frequently ask her about them. Buy her attractive lingerie and then make sure that when you are both together you check out what she is wearing. That way she will know that you care about lingerie and it will make her feel more comfortable with you. Many women tend to think of lingerie as something too personal and a privilege reserved for women.

The other suggestion that Graeme has is that you may want to buy two identical panties (in different sizes, if necessary), one for her, one for you and make that a bond between the both of you.

Another suggestion that I have received from Michael is that if you are afraid that your partner is going to freak out if she finds out, then do it as a fun thing first. If she freaks out then you can simply pretend as if it was all a joke, and depending on how important she is to you, you can either tell her goodbye or never wear in front of her again. Graeme even suggests that you can simply slip out of bed in the dark one night and put some panties on whilst she cannot see you, then get back into bed and surprise her. The silkiness and touch will turn her on. Who knows that she might even become like Graeme's wife!

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