Sandra, a 25-year old law school student, is attracted to her girlfriend and best friend. She does not consider herself a
lesbian or a
bisexual. “But I'm really attracted to her; we're good friends but haven't known each other that long. She gives me all the signs, flirts with me extensively and overtly, and we've had moments when we've slept in same bed together but nothing has happened – not because we didn't want it to, but I think because we're both
too
shy. She hasn't made a move because she thinks I am not like that. She's actually quite the tease. It took me a long time and a lot of analysis to get to the point that I know she does feel the same way. I've never been with a woman before and I
need something to break the
ice. I know she's attracted to me. What do I do? I don't know
how to approach
her,” she asks.
To me it seems that both of you are essentially waiting for the other to make a move. Since you are the one who has realized what needs to be done, I would say that YOU should make the first move and my expectation is that everything will go just fine from there.
But what if she just thinks of you as a
good girlfriend and is not a lesbian either? Seems like a strong possibility since both of you are not. How to prevent making a fool of yourself and destroying a beautiful friendship? This is how you go about it. When you two are together, start to
playfully
tease her a little bit – like she does. And then in a very playful manner suggest something intimate
(a
kiss, touching a private
part, etc. - you get the idea) and then just do it. Let me give an example. You could say something like "If you were a man I would lock my lips to yours for hours" or "Let me give you a
backrub....you look so tired." Generally speaking that is all it takes for the ice to break.
Hopefully this should help you find out if you want a real relationship and also both of you will be able to celebrate your feelings for each other. It seems that both of you will also laugh about it some day musing how you wondered about each other. Though that is not unusual for
lesbians dating for the first
time.
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