Arnold,
a married man,
received some signals from his
best
friend's wife, Caroline, that she is
 interested in
him more than she should be. Initially, he kept ignoring
her advances but after her
persistent
flirting, he is interested in her now, even though
his wife suspects something is going on and said a few
harsh words to Caroline to drive her away from Arnold.
"Am I losing my mind, losing the
alpha male within me, am I being a weakling here? I
just can’t get this woman off my mind now. It’s not like
I’m going to tell her to leave our spouses or
steal her from her husband. I just want to have a
good and secret relationship with her. I really want to
have a
one night stand with her. Is there a possibility?
What do you think? Please help; I am going insane."
I totally understand your emotions. After a few years of
marriage and a bunch of kids, it is common to
lose
interest in your wife and get drawn to another woman
just for the sake of curiosity.
I think you are a better judge of the situation, but
based on what you have told me about her, she has
demonstrated (through actions, words, etc.), that I feel
confident that she will not turn around and tell your
wife (especially after the little fight that they had)
or her husband if you do make an advance. In fact she
might be waiting for it and may have been wondering why
you have continued to spurn her advances. I think the
attraction is mutual and she was the one to start it
anyway.
In other words, it will be just fine to share your
feelings with her. I think that you do not want to
overtly suggest a full-fledged
extramarital relationship
(most
married women get turned off and offended by this
approach since even when they are
cheating they still
want to believe that they are in love) but a "special"
friendship that will enable you celebrate the unique
attraction that you feel for each other without
jeopardizing the current arrangement.
And I don't think
that you want to suggest or have a one-night stand. You
don't want to break her heart and one night stands only
make sense when you
pick up someone in a random place
and will most likely never see each other again. In
cases like this when you will see her over and over
again, what you want is a
discreet relationship -- that
you can have a romantic,
intimate relationship, but also
be able to treat her with the respect that a best
friend's wife deserves on other occasions.
In matters like this, writing is always a terrible idea
-- you never want a paper trail in case you end up in
divorce court. In my experiences with helping many of our
readers in similar situation, the approach that I love
and works great is to say what you really feel in person
in a casual setting. Because, if something does go wrong
(for instance, if you totally misread her signals), you
can always apologize and say that you were just kidding.
For instance, say, you see her in this
beautiful dress.
With a
naughty smile, you can say something like, "God
you
look hot; I could pay a million bucks just to see
what is beneath this dress." Or something along those
lines based on the situation -- there is no need to
prepare for practice; just be spontaneous. Thus, you
would have sent a very suggestive
message and she will get it; if she gets offended, you
can say sorry and add that you simply couldn't resist
praising such a
sexy woman (what woman dislikes a
compliment like this one?). |
