|
Arnold
writes, "I am 37 and she is 27. I work for the
US military in Japan and she works for the
US
military as a translator. Her English is excellent. I
have known her almost since my first day in the country
(18 months). I first thought she was
very cute
but I didn't see her very much. We do not work in the
same area. Every thing was normal until I saw her on
New Year's Eve. I cannot stop thinking of her since.
I talked to her a few times on the
phone very
casually after that night. I did
call
her very drunk after the
party
and told her I liked her very much, then I was
embarrassed and after I sobered up, I called her to
apologize. Since then we have swapped
text messages
hundreds of times. I have made a fool of myself telling
her how lovely she is, all the while trying to remain
polite. I don't ever get any kind of
romantic response. Several times I have decided to
leave her alone
thinking she is not interested and is
just being polite. A day or two will go by and I'll get
an unsolicited message from her. I have told her more
than once that if she wants me to leave her alone, I
will. Every time I make this offer I get a response from
her with no acknowledgement of my offer to leave her
alone, just a question about something else completely
benign. I have asked her to meet me a few times for a
drink somewhere and told her many times by not
asking directly but telling her where I will be and that
I would like to see her there, trying to leave it up to
her to make the decision to see me if she is
comfortable. I have been extremely forward in
showing my interest to her. I have been extremely
reserved in asking her to see me socially. Every time I
think that she is not interested and I stop contacting
her, she contacts me. To be fair she is a
beautiful petite girl and I am a good looking but
big American. I would guess I'm at least twice her
size and weight. I don't know if that really
matters. It doesn't to me. I'm lost and I don't know
where I stand or what I should do."
Japanese
people can be very
confusing in their behavior (especially towards
gaijins) but here are some possibilities that I can
think of after reviewing
hundreds of cases like this one.
I think my suggestion would be that
you
ask her for a date. Be direct and ready with a time
and place. If she declines, you will know for sure that
she is
simply not interested. By beating around the bush, you
are not firmly communicating to her
how
much you want to date her. A
rejection from her would help you move on. I was
myself surprised when I learned in Japan that I have to
ask
a woman to be my girlfriend rather than it is
something that happens over time as two people get to
know each other. |
