 Carrie asked
her boyfriend
of two months to move in with her and now she regrets it
because he is simply not the right man to be with - he
does not even have a steady job. "I think he has serious
emotional problems. At least once a week he has an
emotional breakdown and tells me that he is
depressed but doesn't know why. He says he feels
unwanted, unappreciated, and unloved. I am unhappy with
him for a lot of reasons. His public manners are sometimes
unacceptable, which causes me a lot of embarrassment. He
frequently drinks and tries to start fights or arguments
with other people. Of course, he is still far from getting
a high school diploma while I am ready to join the Air
Force because I want to be a JAG. I want to be alone and
enjoy the time I have the way I want to enjoy it before I
leave. And, I plan on going to an overseas base, so I
don't think our relationship would last much past basic
training. I really don't want to hurt him and I have
problems even relaying how I feel because I am the kind of
person that never wants to hurt people's feeling even
though I know that in the scheme of things it will be
better, and once they are gone they will never have to be
a part of my life again. I guess I just can't bring myself
to act that shallow. Is there any advice you can give me
on
how to approach the situation or what would be a good
way to talk to him without doing much damage (although I
think that may be inevitable)?" she asks.
(Related:
End casual relationship)
Breaking up is
hard to do but it is best to do it sooner rather than
later when you realize that it is a
relationship without a future. I also believe that
breaking up with him does not mean that you have to
tell him that there is anything wrong with him (which will
make him feel even worse). And the less explanation you
give, the better it is for both of you. (Related:
Daughter dating a loser)
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This
is what I propose. Sit down with him and tell him
that you have laid out a
plan for your life (education, Air Force,
etc.). Tell him that while he is a good guy, you
are still very young to
commit to anything long-term, especially
because you are so
focused on your career and may
go overseas (Related:
Dating a man with baggage). Therefore, you will like to
end
the relationship before you both get too
serious about it. Tell him that starting that very
moment you will not
sleep in the same bed or do anything romantic
that normal couples do. However, you want him to
figure out a way to move out as fast as he can but
you understand that it might take a few days/weeks
for that to happen. During that time you will
simply be good roommates. Emphasize that this does
not mean that he may use that opportunity to
convince you to change your mind - you are merely
being kind to him considering his situation. If he
wants to leave right away, that is perfectly fine
with him. (Related:
How
to get a divorce from abusive husband) |
When breaking
up, keep it short and simple. If you think that all this
may be difficult to pull off, another option is to write
it all down in a letter, give it to him, and let him read
it while you sit with him - preferably at home. Hopefully,
that will be less dramatic and will give you the chance to
word it the right way. (Related:
End a useless relationship)
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Breaking Upwards movie |
