Samantha
is in an
abusive relationship but submits to her
dominant boyfriend because she thinks that he is the
best that she can hope for. She writes, "I can admit to
you that I do let him be
controlling. I don't know what's come over me. I was
never the girl to let someone tell me what to do, I had
a harsh
childhood and I can tell you that weak is not me. In
general that is, but when it comes to him things just
seem to change. I was never like this. So what's
my solution?
Break up with him? Or what? I am in
college and I plan to
build a good life for myself after graduating as a
paralegal. So what is it I need or you feel I should
do?"
Your
boyfriend's behavior is definitely not that of a
gentleman because he is taking advantage of a
vulnerable
girl and abusing her. I do not want to dwell much on
his behavior because neither one of us can do anything
to change it.
Having said that, your behavior is definitely not normal
and healthy. A woman who says that she is better off
'miserable with him than be happy without him' needs
some serious
self-esteem building. I mean is this guy
Brad Pitt or
Zac Efron
or what?
I am guessing that no one ever taught you not to take BS
from no one and since this guy is very controlling you
let him control you.
|
|
I don't tell people to
breakup right away because it is such a big
step and that is why I want you to think the
whole thing through first before deciding what
to do. |
The way I see is that you seem
really
miserable with him. That is not what relationships are
about. Based on what I hear everyday from dozens of
people who
write
to me and my
relationship with my wife,
love is when you cannot wait to get up and be with
your
lover. You enjoy every moment with that person
because it is full of happiness. Yes, there may be
occasional problems and fights but they are the
exception and not the norm. In your case, you say you
are hurting and going crazy. Why the hell would you do
that?
You are
young and in college. Once you graduate, you will
hopefully
get a good job,
build a career and trust me, once that happens,
guys will
kiss your
feet
to
marry you. You have a
long life ahead of you and you can make the best of
it without getting bogged down with
relationships,
marriage and
babies right away.
So think about what I am telling you. Can you put on
your big
girl panties and take on the world or are you going
to be a scared, little girl that everyone will boss
around?
Related:
Abused
during childhood
How I
broke up with my boyfriend?
Should I dump my cheater boyfriend
How
to leave a controlling man
Should I dump my married boyfriend
Why does my
boyfriend fight with me
Where should I go if I leave my husband
How
to help an abuse victim
My
boyfriend mistreats me but I am stuck
I love my abusive boyfriend
How to recover from an abusive relationship |
