Kristen
writes, "I am 21 years old, I've just recently (2 weeks)
ended my relationship with a married man after 6 years.
When I first met him I was 15, I started
dating him and
I fell in love with him. After a year, I found out he
was married after his
pregnant wife contacted me, and
found out that he had
gotten married just a year before
meeting me. I stayed with him on the condition that his
wife knew about me and that he would not sleep with her,
and that I was
not hidden from his wife. For a few
years, he would talk to me on the phone in front of his
wife and tell her he was seeing me and they would have
conversations about me (I later found out), so I was not
hidden at all. But in the last 2 years of our
relationship I became suspicious as he started
accusing
me of cheating. I asked him every day to his face
whether or not he had been
cheating with his wife, he
denied it every day. I stayed with him, knowing that he
loved me and knowing that he had told his wife that he
loved me too. Then, 2 weeks ago, I phoned his wife after
a row me and he had to tell her that I and him were
splitting up and to delete my number out of his
phone as
he had been calling me incessantly. I found out that he
had a 1 year old baby girl at home as well as a 4 year
old boy (I knew about the boy). I was devastated and
left him. A week later he told me he was sorry and that
I will always be the
love of his life and that things
just got out of control and that his wife knows that I
will always be the love of his life. However, his wife
told me that he had started denying the fact that I and
he were together in the last 2 months of our
relationship, and told her that I had moved to the
capital city to be an
airline stewardess! It's been a
week now that he hasn't contacted; I'm starting to feel
about obsessive about him. I don't miss him, but I don't
want him to be
happy with his wife either or be happy in
general! The fact that he
hasn't contacted has shown me that he has
moved on. I am
completely devastated. I never ever ever want to
go back
to him but I don't want him to be happy without me. I
don't know
how to get over this or how I should deal
with this. Also, I would like to state that this
marriage was an arranged, and I can definitely
confirm that he never goes out with his wife, both him
and her have confirmed that. I feel so stupid!"
Your
story is very strange (what this man did is illegal in
many countries). I do not think that a 15-year old
girl
has the mental capacity to date a much older (and
married) man. And the details of how this relationship
was carried out are simply bizarre. I am so glad that
you have left him. It is best for you, and probably for
him and his wife too.
I hope you realize that all this time, you were simply a
little girl trying to handle such complex
emotions. I
hope as a 21 year old adult you can look back and see
how your
teen years (that are supposed to be full of
carefree fun) were lost in dealing with a
married man
who was
playing games with a child and hurting his
innocent wife too.
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That is important for you to
appreciate because this appreciation will allow
you to
move on with a more positive outlook. It
is normal to feel the way you do. We all feel
devastated when we are exploited by someone,
particularly someone
much older who knew that he
was telling lies to everyone for his own
satisfaction. |
That is why I am so happy for you that
you have decided not to ever see him again and
start a
new life without him.
Now I hope you realize that if you keep hanging on to
your past, you will never be able to
move on and start a
new life. Trying to plot ways to destroy him or his
marriage or family is counter-productive in your efforts
to
start
a new life. It is actually nice that he has not
contacted you because it is not going to help if he
does. Actually, I suggest that if you does contact you,
you do not write back to him or take his calls.
So how can you move on?
- Write down everything that you
hate about him. Use a notebook or
computer. Whatever
works. Once you are done and everything is out of
your system, if it is a document,
email it to me. If
it is a notebook, bring it to a pond or river and
throw it.
- Everything that he gave you or
reminds you of him, for example,
photographs
or
gifts, just get rid
of them as soon as possible.
- Focus on your hobby and passions.
You have a bright future ahead of you.
Men come and go and you will end up wasting a lot of
your emotional energy on trying to destroy anyone that
you don't like -- it is not worth it. You
want better
things in life so go ahead and conquer the world. You
had an awful experience, learn from it, and move on --
the last thing you want is to look back.
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