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Joy
writes, "I need a bit of help. My partner and I have
been together for nearly 2 years and we have been
fighting
pretty much non-stop lately. We
haven't had sex in over a month; we used to
have sex about 4 times a week. Now it's like he
doesn't want me to
touch him. We don't
kiss
or cuddle or do anything anymore; it's like he doesn't
want to be around me. I need help to
make him want to make love to me again. What should
I do?"
Fighting kills passion
I think you have nailed the problem.
It is the
fighting between the two of you that has made him
feel far
from you. Obviously, a
fight
leads to bad feelings about the other partner and
when that happens,
sexual
desire goes away. Let me give you an example. I am
the type of person who makes an effort all the time to
avoid confrontation with my wife, but we have been
together for about 15 years now and occasionally she
will say something to
hurt me or will fight over something (a lot of time
it is something really simple like why am I
wasting so
much water while washing the dishes or why did I
throw that piece of
paper in
the garbage instead of the
recycle
bin) and that particular night I feel no desire to
even look at her. We soon get over it by making up and
resolving our differences but what I am trying to
tell you is that fighting is not
healthy for a relationship.
It is stupid to fight over small
things
So what is it that you fight about? If it something
small then you need to be more philosophical about it
and
change your attitude. Should my
wife really shout at
me for wasting
water
(I just am very finicky about getting all the soap out)
while doing the dishes? I think she should really
realize that considering how delicate relationships are,
it is better to make peace with small things like this.
Yeah, maybe I could use 5% less water but it is not
worth
fighting with your husband. Can you find out if
there are small things that bother you a lot and you can
simply learn to ignore them?
Fight over what matters but deal
with it like grownups
What about you fighting over something really big? Like
planning your future together or about his
alcohol addiction or whatever else that is really
important. In that case, you need to think about your
next steps. Will talking to him like adults help? Can
you two
come to some kind of an agreement and work on it? Or
is it something so important that you really need to
leave him?
Sex happens only when there is love and good
feelings for the partner and a fight simply creates bad
feelings and even hate. And if you two do not deal with
this right away, I wouldn't be surprised that he has
already made up his mind about
moving
on and will deliver the bad news to you any time
soon. |
