Olivia
writes, "I am a
married woman who is in a
marriage without passion. I have a male friend that is
my
dance partner and we are a bit closer than a married
woman should be close to. I often
flirt
with him, but he is young and and at his age, all they want
is go to bed with me. The sad thing is that he is the best
dancer, we both
like to dance,
sing and listen to
good music. I was also glad you mentioned that it is
OK to flirt or tease in one of your articles. Is it
really? This is all I really do, and love to do. Some of my
guy friends had said before that it is not OK, because it
sends mixed messages and this is why once in a while I have
to step up and say: No it is not what you think. I have a
friend that says that
flirting is a way to play with people's feelings. But it
is not my fault if some man will take it wrong. It is only
with smiles, jokes and faces. With my friend, I might have
done wrong. One time he asked for a
kiss
and I said no, but smiled, and the second time I answered:
well, maybe some day. I am not sure if I meant it or not. I
am
attracted to him, he is handsome and smells very good.
Is this wrong? Maybe this is why he keeps asking for a
little more. Another (male) friend tells me that this is a
line that can never be crossed. To
give a
kiss is in some ways worse, it is a clear invitation. I
love
kisses. I have not done it recently, but I have in the
past. I ask this silly questions because maybe there is some
"flirting etiquette" that I don't know. But if I did, I
would not find my self in tempting situations. What do you
think?"
A
friendship that is based on
wanting sex
is not a
friendship. This friendship, in my opinion, was
developed to get you to sleep with him. So you haven't
really lost a "friend" if this guy does not want a
friendship with you after you stop him fro going too far. So
this will be a good test to find out if he is genuinely a
friend (and
physical intimacy just happens) or if he really wanted
it all along and built the friendship with that goal.
Flirting etiquette
A woman
or a man is free to do almost anything in the
game of
mating, except for anything criminal or mean (like
leading people on without meaning it). I mean I wouldn't
ask a woman to divorce her husband and then tell her
later that I was just flirting. Or start by
giving her
flowers, then give her a kiss and then tell her that I love
her, but mean none of it. But I can keep giving her hints
that I would love to (something as harmless as a)
kiss her but actually never
kiss her or may not even want to do it. Flirting is just
a man-woman game and if a person takes it
too seriously he or
she is simply an idiot. So I would say, go ahead and be the
flirt you are - if someone is telling you that they are
hurt, either he is a moron or he is simply trying to make
you feel guilty so that you will be sympathetic towards him
and give him what he really wants -
make
love to you.
In any
case, regardless of how far you end up going, at any point
you can simply say that you want to stop. You seem to have been open about your situation and you have to right to stop
it any time for any reason - no explanation of apologies
required. |
