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Caroline
writes, "I recently started seeing an
old
flame. He's been in love with me for over 15 years,
and we reunited recently through Facebook. When we did
we fell back in love with each other almost instantly.
He is, however, currently
married.
Although it is a
loveless marriage, where he
sleeps
in a separate
bedroom. The only reason he doesn't
leave his wife is for the
love of his two children he has with her. His kids
are only 2 and 4 and he is completely
miserable in the marriage but loves the kids. He
makes all the money in the relationship and pays for
a full time
nanny, but he is afraid the
courts will award her custody and she will poison
the children against him. If not for his
fears, we would be
on
our way to the altar and start
having children of our own. To make the situation
slightly tougher he has said to me that he feels bad
that I am of
child bearing age and he thinks it is unfair to ask
me to wait for him, although it would kill him to see me
with another man. I feel so
confused by this whole situation. I know no one will
ever love me as much as he will, but I mean what should
I do? Should I wait for his
kids to get older before we make a move, should I
encourage him to
leave this loveless marriage? Should I just
move on
and say for the rest of my life what if...? He
married
this girl right after I
broke up with him because he was so
depressed when we stopped seeing each other. He's
been chasing after me for years and years now. We only
just started talking again this last month and the
emotional connection between us is at an all time
high. I just am not sure that I can bottle up my
feelings for him. It's not like a
short
term relationship that I can forget about quickly,
this is going on over 15 years of cat-and-mouse between
us. I really know for sure that he is the only one who
could ever love me as much, and I'm like at the age
where that carries a lot of weight. I am so tortured
right now."
Since
the kids are so young, and if you have to wait for them
to turn 18, I would say,
forget
this man. That is such a long time for anything and
it is not worth waiting.
Regardless of the age of the kids, I am very skeptical
of
men who profess their love for a woman but then find
excuses for not taking the next steps. In many cases, I
have heard from
women who ended up becoming mistresses to these men
while they lived with their families. In the end, they
never left their families and these women were always
the "other" and missed out on opportunities to
find a
single man who would
love
and marry them.
And regarding you wondering the rest
of your life, well, unless this man is
Tom Cruise or
George Clooney or
Brad Pitt, gee, there are lots of
wonderful men out there for you to find.
I suggest that you two both
see a
divorce attorney to discuss further his legal
options and what are more likely scenarios for his
divorce. Also, you must wait a bit to think through
this since you just met him and despite the past that
seems to bind you both so strongly, there is a lot of
thinking you both need to do.
Related:
My ex boyfriend wants to marry me
Should I have an affair
Reconnect
with old friend on Facebook
I am obsessed with a married man
Does my
married ex girlfriend wants an affair?
Should I
go back to my ex husband if I don’t love him anymore?
How to make sure that a married woman is willing to
cheat? |
