| Colvin wrote, “This is embarrassing
to tell you but I have been very
introverted and haven’t been out with a girl for
some time. Kimiko lives round my friend’s father’s house
(which he rents to
language students) and he was aware not just
how lonely I was but also
how lonely she was. In the year she has been here
she has
made only a couple of friends. She has never bought
a bloke back to the house and spent the whole of
Christmas and
New Year sitting in on her own.
He saw it as a good chance to
bring us two lonely people together. Because it has
been so long since I was out with a girl, on my
first date with her just after
Xmas,
I came across a little too keen in my enthusiasm to see
if we could
go out together again then e-mailed her a little too
often. Yes. I know... bad move. Pressure from friends
wanting to know how I got on didn’t help either... the
male "fear
of rejection" factor. Also my friend’s father put
her under a little too much pressure too. Because she
has been
single for so long and so lonely, she must have very
good reasons for
being single and the whole thing must have been
quite off-putting for her. I wasn’t myself either... I
think we both felt under lots of pressure.
But we did see each other again. She
realized that I was serious about
learning Japanese. And I was and still am so much. I
admit I didn’t intentionally plan to
learn Japanese, but for the last 6 years have spent
4 hours a day on a train commuting to work and always
wanting to use this time productively in some shape or
form, preferably
learning another language. Towards the end of last
year I bought a Linguaphone course in
German but gave up, as I had no one to encourage me.
I gave up on
Spanish in the same way. However, I found she was
encouraging me and it was such an achievement to be able
to start having
simple conversations with her in a foreign tongue. I
found myself spending not just the four hours on a train
but lots of my working time too studying at every
opportunity.
And there are signs she did like me
too. On the
first date
she cried as I turned up in a sling (as my arm was
broken) with lots of books, etc. and she cried at all
the preparation I had made. She said it was a Japanese
thing. To this day I am not sure what it was but she was
moved.
There has been no
physical touching or contact of any kind at all. But
she kept saying she wanted to
cook me a meal. I offered to take her to
London to a
musical and to show her the Japan Centre. At the
time she said "timing" which I think meant slow down in
her limited English. But last week she sent me an email
asking me to take her to London to the Japan Centre.
We have seen each other about once
every 10 days on average. I can feel her
wanting her space and I can feel I have invaded it.
Now I have totally backed off and she has at the same
time now been more forward (Japan Centre, e-mailing me
asking to see me, etc.).
Last time we were out she explained
she couldn’t stay here without work. Her visa is running
out and her family wants her home. And she said how
close she was to making her decision. She added, "If I
go back to Japan I want you to meet my friend (her
only friend) as she is single like you." I do not know
how to read this but nothing has happened between Kimiko
and me; yet she is offering me alternative female
company in her absence. It is very strange.
She has just days left to decide. And
I think she wants space while she makes that decision.
But I do not know how she views me and it is very
confusing for me. What she doesn’t realize is I do not
want to
sleep with her. Going out with her is making me feel
on top of the world and I don't know if she realizes
that. So too is
learning a foreign language. Last week when I texted
her to arrange
a date I did it all in
Japanese
on my mobile. It was such a great lift for me but I
had no one to share it with. But that is how she is
making me feel from inside. Of course I would love to
get romantically involved with her but I probably be
just as nervous of this as she is. We both seem to have
hangups and for whatever reason have hidden from
meeting people and relationships. She has no one in
Japan. She told me this last time and how she is fed up
with being single. Yet she never invites me in for a
coffee. I don't think she realizes I am not your
standard male wanting just one thing. The gift of going
out with her, enjoying her company and taking things
really slowly is far greater to me than anything else. I
wish there was someway she could learn this about me.
Do you see how confused I am? Please
can you help with this? Whatever you tell me I will not
be upset. Just grateful for the truth and thankful for
your advice as you understand her psychology and I do
not know where to start.
Whatever happens from this one god thing
has surfaced. It has made me realize my
deep
love of Japanese women and how I would so now want
to focus on meeting one who is living here. They are so
polite, kind,
feminine, beautiful and caring people and leave
English women to shame. It is such an honor to be
with one and I hope this dream may one day happen as it
has for other people that I know. Perhaps with your help
this can happen for me?” |
