|
Alexandra
fell out of love with her husband of 15 years and
cheated on
him with a much younger man. She writes, "I know it
sounds crazy but I knew my
husband was a great guy before during and after the
other guy. I even told my lover that my husband was a
great person that's the reason I never cheated on him
right away. Lately I've been thinking for hours about
how messed up my marriage is. I've been trying to
fix it and it seems like I'm not getting anywhere. I
want to
work things out with my husband but I can't because
my heart is in a million pieces. Today I realized how
hurt and
angry I am. I thought I was over the other guy but I'm
not. And not sure if I'll ever be. I was so angry
earlier I thought about telling his wife everything. I
don't think it's fair for my
marriage to fall apart while he's still happy. I
thought I was getting better but now I'm
confused all over again. Please help."
The
damage from the adultery has been so severe that it
will take a lot of time to fix things. Working with
other women like you, I know it can be done and you can
do it.
I hope you realize that
emotionally you are at a weak point in your life and
you can seek the help of either a professional or
friends and family to undo the damage. As I think
about your case, you have two options.
- Do your very best to
fix your marriage and make the best of
your life with the constraints that you
have.
-
Divorce your husband and hope that either your
lover will marry you (possibility is remote
because that man is also either
stuck in a bad marriage or is
afraid of divorce or was just playing with you)
or you can
find another man (possible but very hard these
days) or be a
single
mom.
As I think about it, option one is a
better choice. I am sure you can find a million reasons
to disagree with me and why you cannot
love a man again after not loving him all these
years. I am sure that you can also find a dozen
reasons why you can
fix your marriage.
People remarry their spouses
after years of divorce or
get back with their exes after years.
Life is not fair or perfect, and we have to learn to
make compromises every day. I want you to try and do
your very best before calling a
divorce
attorney.
Regarding
telling your lover's wife, there is nothing worse
you could do. It would be unethical and immoral to do so
no matter what this man did to you. I mean think about
it. You knowingly had a
relationship
with a married man and
what did you expect? He has moved on and so should you.
And if your marriage is falling apart, the fault is
entirely yours, not his. It is your marriage and you are
the one to make or break it.
Would you like him to tell your husband about your
affair? Such revenge only creates more misery in the
world and I do not want a good girl like you creating
misery for others. |
