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Interracial relationships present some unique challenges and if you use your conventional lenses to view them, you will only find frustration. In this article, I will discuss only the relationships of Japanese and non-Japanese though some of these arguments will apply to other combinations as well.
(Related:
African American women and Japanese men)
Jorge, a Latino man, finds it very frustrating that he does not get the same
attention from Japanese
women as Caucasian men do calling it even "fatal attraction." "I have joined
an online dating service and so far only two Japanese women have shown interest in me. I love
the Japanese language since it so much closer to Spanish in grammar and pronunciation but the Japanese girls simply are not interested in
in a Mexican Papi Chulo."
Amy, an American woman, is frustrated for similar reasons - not
being able to attract Japanese men who unlike the women in Japan are not so keen on
gaijin
women. "All dating services appear to be tailored for Japanese women and Western men but never the opposite! Are there
omiai companies or
marriage
agencies that cater to Western women or will at least seriously accept them as customers? Is there some sort of internet resource which can be useful? There certainly are Japanese men looking for Western women but where and how do they look for them? There must be some resource that is more efficient than simply waiting to meet someone by chance or through personal introductions," she tells us.
So we went to ask some of our Japanese friends and Megumi, our expert on such issues, says that in an actual relationship, Japanese women love what their Caucasian partners see in them. Japanese women live in a Western standard of beauty, and they are full of complexes about their
appearance. "Many of them have complexes about high cheekbones, thick hair, small eyes, rather dark skin color, small nose, etc., which Caucasians find beautiful. They make Japanese women feel better about themselves," she tell us. Megumi
continues, "I had both Japanese and non-Japanese boyfriends before and I have no preference in race when it comes to actual relationship (although I have this fantasy about
Latin
men), but recently for the first time I started going out with a Caucasian man who is
obsessed with Asian
women. Actually I find his 'obsession' a bit worrying, as he tends to see me as 'one of them,' not as a unique individual. Anyway I'm so curious about why Japanese women are popular among non-Japanese men, and would like to know what 'Japa-sen'
(men who like Japanese women only) are
thinking."
Maybe Vianne has the answer. She is an African-American woman who has only had interracial relationships since 1987, when she first went overseas with the the military to Scotland. "Now I've met a British gentleman, and we're happily engaged. AND
I met him
online. So these things do exist and they work out with the right person for you," she
says.
In her opinion, the key to a relationship is appreciation for the other person and everything else about him or her. Once you accomplish that, the differences that separate people melt away and all there is left is intense admiration for each other. "People just don't let you in their lives simply because you are interested. You have to be a part of their lives. And if you're not a part of it, then you're going to be shut
out...foreigner or not," she tells us.
So what are the key takeaways?
Don't be driven by curiosity and adventure
alone when seeking an interracial
relationship. Unless you are genuinely interested in the individual, you will be wasting your time.
Make an effort to understand what you don't know. The rest will fall into place.
Recommended links: Resources
on interracial relationships
Relationship of a married Indian woman and her American boss |
