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Tracy is
a married
woman who had an
extramarital affair with a
married
man she met in a
chat
room. The
relationship ended when her lover relocated but they
both seem to stay in touch and seem to still have
feelings for each other. She writes, "I have not
been talking to him as much lately, though. Don't get me
wrong; I still love him and very much in love with him.
I just thought that not talking to him would change the
way I feel. So I stopped all
communication between us. It's not making it any
easier because I still think about him all of the time I
just don't have the energy to call him. But over the
time that I haven't been talking to him I thought things
would get better between my husband and I but they have
not. My husband is the best guy in the world and would
do anything for his family. I just don't think he's the
guy for me. I love him as a person but just not in love
with him like a
wife
should be in love with her husband. And I've been
trying so hard to change that but it seems nothing that
I'm doing is changing that feeling. The thing is I'm too
scared to leave him because I feel that it could be a
mistake later in life. Your average woman is looking for
what I have but the crazy thing is as great as he is,
I'm not in love with him. And it's getting so bad to I
lied to him about my period being on for a month due to
stress to
keep from having sex with him. All the feelings that
I had for him years ago are gone. And I know I will
never be with the
guy that I cheated with because he don't want to
leave his kids. But I also wonder why he is still
calling me. It's been months since we've been together
so I wonder what is he thinking when he calls or texts
me. It's not like I'm calling him for him to respond
even though there are times I want to pick up the phone
and call him. It seems like
my heart is so empty since
he left. I knew things were going to end either with us
getting caught
or just
moving
on. But I never thought that I would be so in love
with him that I want to
leave my husband. And if this guy does not want to
be with me why is he calling me? Can you please help me
figure this out'
As
you are finding out, the very reason you
fell in love with another man is that your
marriage is totally broken. The way I approach this
issue is to tell my readers that before they just walk
away, they should do their very best to
save the marriage for the sake of themselves, their
spouse, and if they have, kids. And by doing so, they
can always look back with pride on their past knowing
that they did the right thing. I am assuming that you
are already at that point, and if not, it is not a bad
idea to get to the root of the problem, and see if there
is hope through
counseling or with the help of your friends/family
members.
I am totally convinced that unless there are financial
reasons or for the
sake of children alone, there is no reason for you
to stay in a
broken marriage even for a day.
Life is too precious to be spent being miserable
every day.
Now I must tell you that the guy that you are talking
about is just using you for his
emotional needs. It is obvious that he is in a
bad
marriage too but for various reasons does not want
to leave it. In other words, no matter how much he
thinks about you or tells you how wonderful you are, he
is actually a problem, rather than a solution (though I
would still encourage you to ask him point blank if he
would leave his wife if you were to leave your husband).
By being emotionally attached to him, you will neither
be able to
work on your marriage or be able to
find a new
man after you
get a divorce. In other words, you need to get rid
of him. I think that he is a good man for you because of
all the emotional connection that you have but he is
like having a bar of gold in a
desert; it does not
matter how precious it is, it cannot save your life when
you are dying of thirst.
My recommendation for you will be as follows:
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