 Rachel
writes, "I have been married for 12 years plus. I
met
this married man about 4 months ago, we talk and text
one another several times a day, we have
kissed twice,
he has
given me money twice and told me that was just a
drop in the bucket! We talk openly about everything, he
wants us to take it to the next level, I am soooo
afraid, I don't think I can
handle having sex with him.
We have never told each other we
love each other, I
think about him often, but I truly think
sex is gonna
change it all! I have very cold feet, but I think I am gonna tell him the truth that I don't think
making love is a
good Idea. He does speak a lot about
how he can make me
feel so good in bed. I have to admit that's tempting, but a
little voice inside me is saying that is gonna change
the whole
friendship. Please help me decide. By the way
my
marriage is OK now, but I know my
husband has been
unfaithful in the past even though he does not admit it.
I am so confused with my decision to
go to bed with him,
but I do like the fact that he is
free with money! I
think in the future I might
fall in love, but I don't
handle
rejection well. I have had
anxiety in the past
from one
bad extramarital affair. Do you think that can
happen if things go bad with me and him?"
This
is a little bit messy and if I am reading you right, you
are not able to handle mess very well. This is why I
think this is messy:
In my
view, this man basically wants to have sex with you and
in order to
entice you into bed, he is being very
sweet,
romantic, and giving you
money (he has either seen a
need for money in you or you have hinted it to him).
Typically,
money is not exchanged in
friendships like
this, though, a
gift is more common. I think it is only
a matter of time that he will
DEMAND sex not only
because he has been hinting about it, but also that he
is doing everything right to
make you go to bed with
him. I would not be surprised that he may end this as
soon as you
have sex or once he gets
bored after a while
or if you
keep declining sex. Alternatively, he may also
keep you as a
mistress for a long period of time. My
experience tells me that it is very unlikely he will
leave his wife and want to marry you. Since I have no
idea what is on his mind, these are only some of the
possibilities.
So what can you do so that it is not messy?
Ask
yourself what do you want. Money,
sex,
love,
friendship,
or something else? If possible, ask him to honestly tell
you what he wants. In the set of circumstances that you
have described to me, it seems that the
ideal
relationship for you will be to
become his mistress, not
fall in love to the point of wanting to marry him, so
that you both get what you want from each other. That
way you will have a
friend with whom you already have a
strong emotional connection, he will continue to
give
you money, and you will provide sex to him and since you
two have romantic feelings for each other,
sex will be
pleasurable for both of you. Since this will be a bit
complicated, for the
sake of your marriage, you should
keep this relationship secret and hide
the money that he gives you from
your husband (by not overspending or buying
luxury goods or
designer handbags), get a prepaid
cell phone to
communicate
with him, do not use your
computer to contact him, and
try to cover up your tracks at every point.
And
of course, since life is full of surprises and we are
not really sure what he has on his mind, maybe he does
want to marry you some day and if that happens, you can
live happily thereafter. |
