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| What should a married man and woman do if
they are in love?
Should they leave their spouses for each other even with
kids?
| Summary: Below is the
case of a married man and married woman in love but they
are not sure how to leave their spouses and if they will
lose custody of their kids. On this page, you will
read her story and what they have done. On the
next page, I share my plan for them to divorce their
spouses -- rather than live in unhappy marriages -- and
simply take the plunge. |
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Marianne
writes, "I am a
married woman in a cyber relationship with a married man.
We both have children, both sets are young. We know we
have A LOT of issues working against us for us to be
together. He admits he was being selfish, young and
immature about
having kids with a woman he did not connect with
sexually, mentally, or emotionally. He thought that
by having the children he would
find his own happiness in their marriage. He knows
now that it was the wrong decision but the decision has
been made and he does not regret having them. I have
issues
with my own marriage. Again, both he and I
married young not knowing
what to expect or want from a partner. I went into
my
marriage more because it was thought to be the next step
in dating. There was no
romantic,
swept-away, loving feeling. I cared for him as a
friend, not really much more. Assumed that
children followed marriage."
Obviously,
many years later she realizes that
marrying someone you are not in love with goes only
so far in
giving happiness. She continues, "We both realize
that the person we would have
picked as our mates would
have been each other. We have too many similar traits in
thoughts, emotions, etc. I could go on and on and on; it
isn't he is saying what I want to hear or me saying what
he wants to hear, it's us saying the same thing at the
same times most of the time or discovering similarities
in our likes and dislikes in our two year relationship.
Ours is
long distance, like across the country 2,000
miles
long distance relationship. Most would have ended
within weeks, maybe months. Ours is going strong on two
years."
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Marianne
recognizes that she is in this mess and so is her boyfriend
because they
made wrong choices in life. She adds, "We BOTH
have
baggage, we BOTH did the similar things in our marriage
that we aren't proud of, but the same issue remains, we were
young when we married. We have realized that we have
grown
up and do not want the same things we did when we were in
our 20s. We realize that if we could do it all over again
with the knowledge we have gained now, that we would not
have
chosen the partners we did but rather each other. But
we also realize that if we had chosen each other in our 20s
we may not have been ready for us either. So though we
appreciate the growth with each relationship we have been
in, it is difficult to
stay in a marriage where we have no
emotional or physical connection to our partners."
Not
unexpectedly, the
lack of love has made her marriage
difficult. She informs, "I have gone through
counseling with
my spouse and he has tried in his way best to make the
changes but in the end, he is who HE is and I am who I am.
We revert back to where we were before
counseling. Now we
avoid confrontation by not being around each other too often
without the kids. My boyfriend is going through
counseling
but admits his
fears of the unknown
should he divorce. He
fears he may
stay just because he doesn't want to
lose the
children, financial woes, but it wouldn't be because he
loves her. He loves me and says he will never love her or
anyone else over me. I understand these fears; I have them
too but I would be willing to go through them for him. I
guess you are wondering, so why wouldn't he for you? I
think it's because he is doing it first and not the other
way around. He admits along with the other fears that he is
afraid to be alone in his
apartment when they are separate.
He is afraid I will change my mind and not join him. That he
would be doing it with no one
waiting for him on the other
side of divorce."
Marianne
concludes, "We are
great friends. We have a
passionate
partnership/relationship built on love, compassion and
respect for each other. I know you say how can we have
respect for each other when we are with other people. We are
exclusive with each other sexually and emotionally. We talk
for like 2 plus hours a day which is more than he
does with her. He generally can only be around her for 15
minutes a day and the talks are generally geared towards
'How were the boys today?' We both feel tension around our
spouses or lack of anything when alone with them. So our
question is with all the counseling saying stay
together, is there any positive or just any counseling on
get that divorce? Does it always have to be
physical abuse
for it to be okay for a counselor to say leave." |
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| Related:
Read if a
married woman should lever her husband for a married man
My married boyfriend is scared of divorcing his wife
What should a married woman do if she loves a married man
How to move on if my married boyfriend does not divorce his
wife
Why I ended my extramarital affair
How to choose between husband and lover
I am torn between 2 men
Why I decided to stay in a bad marriage
Is it wrong for a married woman to fall in love with another
man
Why I will wait to marry my lover |
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