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Dean
writes, "My girlfriend and I have
just started college and we are both
virgins. She's a truly beautiful and caring girl. I
really
love her and she loves me. But she is extremely
naive about
man-woman relationships and such. That is because in
the past she only has had one boyfriend and that didn't
last for longer then a week. So she is very
inexperienced. I'm not really of much better, even
though I've had three relationships before her. None of
those got very far because of my timid nature in those
days. I've
got a lot of confidence now but I never completely
lost my
timid
and caring side. We've had quite a lot of
fun nights together and the things we've done aren't
to be called
innocent. But we
didn't
have sex yet because she says she isn't ready for it
yet. I don't mind and am waiting patiently (and no I do
not want her to
lose her virginity to prove her love to me). With my
extremely limited
experience, I'm always capable of
pleasing
her till now. Maybe it is because I take my time,
think more about making her feel good than others may
do. Or because I've got talent. I don't know. But I'm
worked about when we will
do it for the first time. Because if my little
experience I fear I won't be
able to please her. She thinks I'm very experienced
because I always
make her feel good, so she'll be
disappointed about her
first time. Also because of her naïveté
and
shyness she is the one
getting the most pleasure out of it while I'm
feeling left out. How can I tell her that in a subtle
way?"
Bedroom performance
anxiety
I can
understand your
anxiety. Even at 45 and after doing it for about 30
years, like almost all men, I
get a little anxious each time I get into
bed to make love. So at your age, it is so
understandable. Obviously, like most things in life, one
gets better with practice and that is why you should
keep your expectations low and in case you have been
watching any of those
naughty videos online, forget about them.
Real men
perform nothing like those in the
professionally made movies because like any other
film, there are a lot of
tricks
used to make it appear as if those
guys take forever to ejaculate and the
women are having multiple orgasms. Even their
organs are either fake or digitally enhanced.
How to make love for the first time
like a pro?
From what I have heard from my
readers, the first time is almost always a disaster.
When both partners are either inexperienced or
virgins, they are just way too excited or nervous to
screw it all up. Personally, I think the whole event of
losing
your virginity is a little overblown. Obviously,
depending on the level of expectations, people may
experience different level of satisfaction or
disappointment. I think it is not the actual act
itself that is important. What is important is that you
two will accomplish a
level of intimacy that you do not have so far and
hopefully it will lead to a better and
stronger relationship for you. So do not
stress out. Do what feels good and as you
have been doing so far, be gentle, slow and
understanding. If it is not perfect, don't fret over it.
The key is to become more comfortable with each other
and
making love to her once will start that process.
After that the more often you are
physically intimate with her the better you both
will feel and the
orgasms
will be stronger. Remember that she is probably
terrified too of her first time and may not be able to
do her part as well making it harder on her as well as
you. If a girl is not totally relaxed or is scared of
something, she will not
lubricate naturally and that can make it painful for
both of you. That is why as time passes and you two
get more comfortable with each other in bed, things
will get much better.
And of course, if a girl finds that you were not
Superman the
first time
in bed and holds it against you (though, considering
that
she is a virgin she has nothing to compare you
against, except maybe stories from others or what one
sees in movies), then, maybe she was the wrong girl. If
she loves you as much as you say, then,
sex is a process of discovery for a couple and it is
true when you are 18 and equally true for when you are
58.
How to get what you want from a
woman in bed?
Regarding the second question that you have about
feeling left out, well, she is still a bit naive, as you
said. In other words, you need to assume the role of her
teacher here rather than wait for her to find what to do
on her own. And if you don't ask,
how
are you going to get anything in life? I don't know
what you two have been up to, but if you
want her
to kiss you in a certain place or in a certain way,
ask her. Or if you want her to anything else, you will
not only have to ask her but also show her what to do.
Hopefully, she will reciprocate because you would also
ask her what she likes so that you can do it to her. |
