I am addicted to a married man

I just can't breakup

Summary: Read below the story of a woman who knows that it is not going anywhere but still cannot make herself stop seeing her married boyfriend.

Anita writes, "He is my colleague, and we have been together for about a year secretly. He has a 2 year old daughter. I am suffering from mild depression lately. I know he will not leave his family which I'm prepared for, but sometimes I just can't control my emotions. I'm a divorcee with 2 children aged 14 and 12 . My mind was in such confusing state. Both of us love each other but I know I cannot be so selfish because I'm a woman too and I know the pain which I've been through. I tried to discontinue this relationship but each time it comes back to the same spot again. Do you think he is just using me? I can sometimes sense that he is concerned about me. He was there for me during my recent stay in the hospital. I am really vexed, you know. Please help because I am going crazy. I'm lost. I know our relationship is not practical and will not have any good ending, but I still enjoy the moments with him."

To be very honest, this relationship has no future, as you said because he will never leave his wife. However, as most couples realize, it is nearly impossible to keep a relationship secret forever. So sooner or later he will be caught and I would not be surprised that he maybe faced with a decision to make. The outcome may not be so pretty depending on the laws in the state.

Now, it is difficult to conclude what exactly he is thinking unless I know more and based on how you feel. I know many married men who keep one or more secret lovers that allows them to have the best of both worlds: a loving family at home that gives them what they need in society and then one or more women to have sex with or do things that they can't do with their wives.

I also know men who are just miserable in their marriage but due to the circumstances (children, faith, being Catholic, legal complications, property issues, etc.) simply cannot leave. They find comfort and love with someone else, in many cases, with full knowledge of their wives, who learn to reconcile with the arrangement for the lack of a better alternative. He maybe a wonderful man but torn between his commitment to his family and the emotions for you.

How to get over a married boyfriend?

I suggest that you actively look for a relationship with a single man. There is no reason to end this relationship right now and it is OK to be with him whenever possible since you enjoy his companionship and so does he. I prefer this alternative because you are not doing anything radical and will have plenty of time to make the transition. In any case, he may turn out to be a great lifelong friend because the emotional compatibility the two of you have. Obviously, if you find a real relationship, you will end up devoting all your energy to your new man and might even lose all affection for this man. The reason you keep going back to your secret lover right now is because you do not have an alternative and he is there for you.

And obviously, if you are comfortable making a radical change, then, it is best to tell him to work on his marriage and leave you alone so that you both can move on one way or the other. But this may be harder than you think and I know you will feel like an angel for giving back his wife her husband, but with your depression and confused emotional state, it maybe more challenging to execute than you think.