Bridgette
writes, "I'm a 19 year old female and very recently met
a 47 year old man. I'm often told I
look much
older, having people guess my age in the mid
twenties. The man I met had gotten the same backwards
compliment, with people guessing his age in his later
thirties. We met when I replaced his spot at a
spa.
He was retiring and I was taking a semester off to work.
He trained me for a week, and we immediately bonded over
our love for
science,
religion, and
philosophy. We stayed in touch, and the more we
spoke the more we found we had in common. We’ve
both written our own
music, are well versed in astronomy, and he retired
to become a
caretaker
of a farm while I have previously been employed at a
local farm. The similarities grew, and we began seeing
each other (as
friends).
I've always been curious and eager to learn. I’m
completely comfortable asking him anything. I’ve asked
him things I can’t even talk about with my mother in
regards to
sex! I think I’m a really
obvious virgin. Our
conversations are always open minded and very
relaxed. He has two kids, a son (my age) with
Angelman Syndrome,
and a
daughter (13), whom I’ve met on multiple occasions
and had a blast with. He’s been divorced for a number of
years, and had three other
love interests whom he was very passionate with.
I’ve seen from first hand examples that he’s devoted,
loyal, and extremely
loving towards one woman at a time. He’s a great
guy, and I learn a ton from him. We go hiking together,
groom horses together, go to archery ranges,
write music together, stargaze together- you name
it, we probably both enjoy it. I don’t think I’ve
discovered one hobby that he seriously dislikes about
me. The same goes for him, obviously.
Anyway, this guy gives me the warm-fuzzy-I-love-you
feeling, and we brought it up a few times. I told him I
didn’t think it was a
good idea to
date, since I’m barely legal and I still need to
mess up my life, like every good 19 year old somehow
does. He really needs someone who can be his constant,
and I can’t offer that. I’m in a
band, I tour around, I disappear with friends for
weekends…you get the drift.
To boil it down, there are two problems: (1) I really
like him but I don’t think I could make this
relationship last, (2) and the
age difference. He’s told me time and time again how
he’s dedicated and loyal, and he looks for that in a
partner. I can’t be there, which is unfair to him.
It obviously doesn’t stop me from being attracted.
In regards to the age, it’s always bothered. A 28 year
difference is kind of big for me, especially when my
friends goo and gah over dating kids that are (gasp!)
out of college already! Even when the two of us go
out and have lunch I feel a bit self-conscious
(especially when he tries to be polite and buy my
meals).
We work really well together, and there’s
chemistry between us, but it’s a bad situation. I
find myself daydreaming about him all the time, but then
again, I want him to have what’s best for him, and I
know that isn’t me. I know he doesn’t have another love
interest right now, and I’m starting to feel like I
should entertain him for a bit, but at the same time, I
know it’s something I don’t want the responsibility of.
Any thoughts are much appreciated."
I think he could be an awesome
platonic friend for life and you should do nothing
to destroy that. You both have so much in common and a
great
friendship and that is hard to find in today's
world.
Yes, I know that you daydream about him but that is just
a
crush (and probably even a stronger one, considering
you are a
virgin at 19) that we often have on our
best friends. As you
fall
in love with another man, that
crush will go away.
Having said that, it is my responsibility to remind you
that
good partners are so rare to find and some people
never find them. If that does not happen to you, you
might come to
regret this choice, but considering your age, I am
very optimistic that you will find someone in your age
group who has at least some of the things that you are
looking for.
Related:
Young girls dating older men
Friend to
lover not working out
Friend to boyfriend
Does my best friend like me
Nell movie review
Will my girlfriend marry me
How to confirm relationship status
How to confirm relationship status
Should I date my best friend
How to make sure that girl that I like becomes girlfriend
How to convince my best friend to marry me |
