How to propose marriage to a Japanese woman?

Follow the Japanese traditions

In any interracial relationship, when it gets really serious and you start to deal with engagements, weddings, etc., things can somewhat tricky. As it is, there may be some covert opposition to the relationship, but if you mess up the process, you can cause a lot of trouble for everyone.  (Related article:  Marriages in Japan)

That is why people like David are treading cautiously. He has a Japanese girlfriend and he is now ready to propose marriage to her. "I am going to be asking my Japanese girlfriend to become my wife. Her parents are very traditional and I want to do this right. What is the custom and are there any gifts I need to give her parents and/or letters of intent I need. I can't ask her what to do otherwise it will ruin the surprise. Please help."  (Related article:  How to find a Japanese girlfriend?)

Japan is a country of traditions and at time of weddings, there are very complex set of rules that need to be followed. So it is best that you do your research at each point. And no better way than to read about other people's experiences and if possible, get a Japanese friend to help you navigate the process.  (Related:  Japanese wife)

The first thing that you should do is to figure out how to propose to your girlfriend. You have a lot of freedom here since she knows that you are a gaijin and you might propose like a gaijin. But still, you can make it special for her by bringing out some of the traditions of Japan. So pick a romantic location, get a ring ready, and just say it the way you would to any western woman.  (Related article:  Should women propose marriage to men?)

The parents are the next step. And you should work with your girlfriend to make sure that that part goes right. It is highly unlikely that anything can go wrong but you can create a lot of goodwill by doing it the Japanese way, particularly if the parents are not familiar with western customs. What will be the most appropriate way is to have a small gift ready that you bring to her parents when you go to meet with them for this purpose. And you ask both the parents at the same time, but remember that in Japanese society the father is more important in such matters than the mother. If your girlfriend is willing to be present and facilitate the process that would be great but you are expected to do it on your own. If you need to write down the script and read it, that is OK too but even if you keep it simple and use your beginner's Japanese, you should do just fine.

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