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| What to do if I proposed too soon?
I regret getting engaged so fast
| Summary: Below is the
case of a man who did not think through his decision to
get married to his girlfriend of just four months and
that too when they are both in their teens. After
announcing their engagement to the world, he now
realizes that he is too young to get marriage and he
would rather enjoy his carefree days in college than
have to take care of a wife at home and maybe even kids
while he is still a student. Read what are his
options. |
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Peter
proposed to his high school sweetheart and
when he thought it through he realized that he
was
too young to get married, that he wanted to
date a bit more before marriage, and that he
must
break the engagement so that he does not
regret getting married later on. He writes,
"I believe with all my heart if we
got married, it would work. The problem lies
with regrets. I don't want to regret not living
on a
college campus and doing all the crazy
things that
college students do. Is that bad of me? In
high school I was pretty much a
nerd; I
didn't do relationships. I had three
altogether, and only this one has lasted over 4
months. I'm still hormone crazy and can't help
but
wonder about other girls. I don't want to
date anyone else, but I would like to
take coeds out on dates,
get phone numbers,
flirt,
go
chick hunting with friends, and so on... but
I also want my
fiancée. It's not about making it work, we
both are willing to do that. Our parents love
us, we're great for each other. If I let her go
I'll be losing something WONDERFUL! But if I
don't let her go, I'll still be losing something
wonderful, my
college years. I'm a straight A student, and
I don't want to do too much stupid stuff, but I
want to be a guy." |
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| Peter
continues, "I have everything I need. My parents aren't
rich, but I've never wanted or needed anything more.
They also recently
got divorced, which makes me
scared about marriage. Is it bad that I don't even
want her to move in to my apartment in a year, though? I
want to get settled by myself, then later maybe in a few
years, she can move in. Is that bad of me? I feel I'm
too young. I also am
curious about other women. I'm a loyal person and
believe I always will be, but it would be bad to live
with those regrets; wouldn't it? I'm just so torn over
this. We have an almost
perfect relationship. But I'm not ready to settle
down yet. What's worse? Losing the one you love or
living with sadness of missing out on my college years?" I thought
about your situation and discussed your case with a few
colleagues of mine and this is what I have concluded. What
you did was impulsive behavior and you were not thinking as
clearly as a man would before
deciding
to get married. You have an excuse: you are too young.
It is also clear that you do not
love this woman as much as a
man should before deciding to marry her (it is OK and
you do not have to feel bad because at your age the emotions
change quickly). Peter, you can't have it all. You cannot be
engaged and go chick hunting or
date other
girls. It is not only immoral and unethical, it is also
impractical because your wife would never allow this. In
other words, you screwed up big time.
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I was
initially very reluctant to give this advice to you because
you will be
breaking a sweet girl's heart and embarrass her.
However, it is better to do it now than to go through years
of
miserable marriage and maybe a
broken relationship full of frustrations. So tell her
that you made a big mistake, that it was a childish thing to
do and it makes sense for you to
break the engagement. I encourage you to speak to your
and her parents and make this as painless as possible for
her because she will be devastated. She is probably on cloud
nine right now but if you tell her that you are not ready to
settle down and that you want to focus on college and
building a
career before taking on the
responsibilities of a marriage and family, hopefully,
she will understand. For all we know she too maybe
rethinking this and maybe as overwhelmed by it as you are.
And yes,
it will be sad to
break her heart but in the end it is better for both of
you. A marriage before a man has completed his education and
become financially stable is stressful and always a bad
idea. If you had written to me before proposing to her, I
would have told you No, but you can still undo the damage. |
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