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My first reaction is
that he suffers from many
addictions. Starting with
sex, he might as well be addicted to
big women,
large
breasted women, and even, to
pornography. All of these
need to be treated as almost all addictions are treated
by psychologists.
It should also be
remembered that both men and women like what they like.
And there is nothing to feel bad about it or not to
admit it to themselves and to their loved ones. When
these feelings are denied and suppressed, a lot of the
problems start. Over-indulgence, however, is bad
because then it creeps into other aspects of one's life
and destroys everything else. My argument is the same
that I use for
alcohol. An occasional drink has many
nutritional and emotional benefits but an
alcoholic is a
big problem. So looking at
large breasts on a
sexy
woman can actually enhance a man's
sexual appetite,
which he can then
satisfy with his current partner but
what is happening in Arthur's case is damaging to him
and everyone around him.
It is also important
to understand that what we like to see is not the same
as who we want to
fall in love with and
get married and
spend the rest of life with. So many men and women go
to
adult entertainment centers where they can feast
their eyes on whatever physical beauty that they want
but they will not necessarily marry one of those or even
make friends with. If you asked me, like most men, I
like
pretty women but will I marry the
prettiest woman
that I know even if she does not have other things that
are
critical for me in my spouse (intelligence,
interesting, funny, engaging, educated,
attributes of a
mother if I want to
have a child, etc. etc.). So the
answer is that we can like one thing but fall in love
with something else.
If nothing is done,
Arthur's self-destructive behavior will continue and may
get even worse. This sort of behavior will make neither
him nor his partner happy in anyway. I am not even sure
that a
drop-dead gorgeous,
busty woman as his partner
will make a big difference. Arthur needs to understand
the value of
committed relationships, the fun of
discovering
secrets of sex with your own partner, and
the joys of living in a
relationship based on love and
trust. It is perfectly acceptable to include external
stimulator but it should be done preferably in the company of your
partner as a joint activity so that you can both
enjoy
sex later on.
Typically in such
cases I suggest the following program that works pretty
effectively:
-
Detoxification
of the mind: A step designed to essentially clean
up the mind. It is like an enema in the brain.
When negative
emotions accumulate over time, they
need to excrete before any
new emotions can be put
inside.
-
Introduction to
healthy relationships (including
flirting,
romance
and sex)
-
Preparation for
a healthy relationship through training and practice
-
Enter into a
healthy relationship under supervision and then
transform one's life over time.
Whom we like and
fall in love with is highly complex and cannot be
explained by just one phenomenon. I have seen people
fall in love with such different people that you just
wonder what is the common theme here. This is something
that is not well understood.
And oh yes, we
change all the time. What you like as a
teenager is not
the same as what you like
once you grow up. Even after
that once you gain experience you learn from them and
change what you like. Experience is everything. As you
gain new knowledge, you like new things. Most people
are, therefore, very confused about what they like.
Sometimes your mind tells you that you feel attracted to
something and you like it but you can change that
opinion later and discover that you were wrong. |
