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Penny
writes, "About two months ago, I met someone; he seemed
great, we got along well, there was that instant
'spark.' We started seeing each other and things were
going well. He was texting me everyday and as time went
on, I grew to like him more and more. Then about 5 weeks
later, he decided to have a
serious
conversation, telling me that he
wasn't sure he wanted a relationship but still
really liked me and wanted to see me. He said that he'd
already done the
long term relationship thing and wasn't sure he
wanted to get into another. He wanted to concentrate on
his work and also mentioned that he was not sure about
his
long-term plans. He said that he wanted to be
honest with me because he respects me and that for
the last 5 weeks he hadn't been seeing anyone else. I
wasn't sure what to say to this; it all came as a
surprise. A day later I went to his place to discuss it
and it was as though he had suddenly completely changed.
I told him
I was happy with the way things were going and that
I didn't want to put a label on anything and that we
should take it one
day at a time, see how things go. He said that he didn't
want a relationship and that he doesn't want to be
held responsible if he is
seen with other girls. Despite this, there was no
mention of us not seeing each other or
things coming to an end. But then he stopped texting
me or wanting to see me over the course of the following
week. I suggested to meet up but when he said he was
busy he didn't even bother to try to reschedule with me.
So then, I left it. I didn't want to seem
desperate or clingy. I am
heartbroken because I thought that I may have
found
Mr Right. What happened? Did I do anything wrong?"
As
you can fully understand, two months is a very short
time, and things can happen so fast that we may not
always be able to behave in the most rational manner.
That is why you can forgive yourself for
liking him so much and you can also forgive him for
leading you on all this time
without ever having the intention of a serious
relationship with you.
My
hypothesis is that there was something
charming and
attractive about you that he loved and that made him
act in a way that you perceived as serious interest. At
some point he either changed plans or just realized that
things were not only moving fast but also in the wrong
direction. I have to commend him that he acted
responsibly by sharing his plans as soon as he realized
that that was not what he wanted.
When
things have turned out the way they did, it is obvious
that he is embarrassed or even sorry for
losing you as a lover and maybe even as a friend. He
might also be sorry for
breaking your heart and since most people find it
difficult to deal with this situation, his behavior is
unpredictable, awkward, and inconsistent.
Since
the
relationship was so short it is hard to guess
exactly what he was feeling but chances are that (like
most men) his
emotions were not as strong as yours. I do believe
that he liked you and was probably
besotted by your charm, but not in a way that one
would think of a
lover or a lifelong partner. Or maybe his
parents opposed this relationship. Or maybe he
realized that he should focus on other things rather
than
get into a serious relationship which might
force him to get into marriage/family etc. Maybe it
was not all a lie but definitely not as serious on his
part as it was on yours.
It
appears to me that it is best to
just move on because he seems to have made himself
clear. He does not want to completely end everything
because you guys were
never in a relationship and he thinks that you two
can still do things that friends do but he wants to be
free to flirt with others or even explore a
casual, but romantic relationship with another woman.
Obviously
there are lessons in this for you: Go slow. Do not carry
your heart in your palm and give it to whoever you like.
Give it to someone special and wait for him to prove
himself worthy of receiving something so special. |
