My wife is unhappy with me

Our marriage is in trouble

Summary: A man shares his dilemma. He loves her but for reasons that he does not know, his wife does not love her back as much and seems to be miserable in the marriage.

Peter writes, "After being together 16 years and married for two, my wife says she's not happy any more and that I'm smothering her. We also have worked together - she just celebrated a birthday turning 41. I'll turn 52 soon. We're pretty active sexually - probably me the aggressor. When I tell her how beautiful she is or that I want to make love to her, she gets angry. I just don't know what to do. When I try harder to please her she just gets even angrier. It's more complex than that, of course. Big part of me wants it to get better but there is a part of me that says there's the door! She has a girl friend she talks to at least 4 or 5 times a day and tells her everything which I don't think helps - just so you know I also started to go to AA meetings once a week. Not really an addict but more of a weekend user which she has also to start with. It was that but then she told me she was just plain unhappy. Read somewhere that if you are insecure, has your wife ever said she's leaving - yes. Do you think she may sleep with someone else? Yeah maybe; so maybe I am insecure man; am trying to get past it all and be nice. I do love her, making love to her and just being with her makes me feel good, but she can be a real B. Also, which I can too!"

Yours has become what I call a dysfunctional relationship. And the lack of communication, anger management issues, addiction, and lack of trust definitely do not help. Having said that no relationship will last 16 years if the couple did not have common interests and strong emotional bond. Yes, you both seem to have volatile tempers and strong personalities, but I am sure that if you both work on your anger issues and talk through your differences, things will be much better. Additionally, you need to be less aggressive.

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