Hilda
writes, “I have been with my
boyfriend for 9 years now.
I am now thinking of
breaking up with him. We have a
daughter together. During the fourth month of my
pregnancy I found out that he was
seeing somebody else
too, but I was
so in love with him and it was difficult
to leave. I stayed with him. He was also
seeing other
girls that I had an idea but he always denies it. He has
a daughter with the other woman. He had fights with the
woman on many occasions. The last one the
police came
for him and locked him in the cell for a few hours.
 When
I came to see him he was crying but never gave me a
reason. I was not working then so I had to
depend on
him. In fact I had to beg him to feed the child, he was
not giving me any support for myself. I had to depend on
friends and family members. It was so
depressing; I used
to cry everyday thinking if I will ever get over him. I
got a job to take care of my child and myself. He never
gave me any support for the child. I do everything by
myself up now (medical, school, food etc). He is always
asking for money to pay his insurance, buy tires for his
vehicle and do repairs; I gave it to him until now when I
said I would not give him anything. He is a minibus
operator. I helped him
buy a car
but he never took me anywhere in the
car. He does not give me any
presents
for my birthday or
Christmas nor
Valentine’s day, not
even for his daughter does he
buy gift for. Now I am
frustrated and have mastered the
courage to leave him.
When I told him I have no feelings for him and I do not
love him anymore, he said he is drinking poison. I am
afraid he does that because it will have a negative
impact on his daughter. He said he has changed and does
not do the things he used to. But how do I know he is a
changed man? I do not love him anymore. He wants me to
believe all he says. There are so many things I want him
to change: lying,
cheating, I want him to
support me
financially, stop cursing (he curses everybody,
including my mother, father, everybody, and me), and has
bad temper. He is not educated, he cannot read a book
and I have a college education. Some things I try
communicating to him, he do not understands and he does
not want to listen to what one have to say. How do I
deal with this situation?"
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It is
heartbreaking to read sad stories from wonderful people like
you. Clearly he is not the man for you. Every day that you are
with him, you are wasting your time.
Yes, stupid
men can do stupid things (the poison thing that you said - my
sense is that he is simply blackmailing you) but that is not
your problem.
I think that before you
leave, tell his family members (if you know them) and friends
that you are leaving him and also tell them that he threatened
to poison himself. That way they will be able to handle the
situation and will keep any eye on him. |
While I
think that it is best for you and your daughter to leave him
and
start a new life (you will be happier and better without
him and you do not love him any more - it is also clear that
you have suffered enough), only if you want to give him a last
chance, here is what you can do. Write down things that you
want him to change/do. If you want to show them to me first
that will be fine too. Now, sit down with him and tell him
that you are giving him a final chance to prove that he has
changed. He will have 30 days to make those changes. If not,
there will be no more discussion and you will
end the
relationship.
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