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Courtney
writes, "I am in a
long distance relationship. This has been going on
for a year now, and he plans on
moving closer to me but lately he has really been
annoying me to the point where I really don't want to
talk. The number of times that I have seen him can be
counted on my fingers. He is thrilled about moving, but
I am not so thrilled. I guess I am a little nervous in a
way. I have been
hurt before, I let that go and so has he and I don't
want to hurt him. Now, my
ex
has kind of bounced back into the picture. We are
strictly friends and he knows that and respects
that. He also says that he can't be
friends with someone he has feelings for, but he
doesn't want to lose me either. He and I have gone back
and forth for the past 7 years and it never seemed to be
the right time. I do have feelings for him and I think
it's because of the history and attraction that we have.
I know that I've a good thing with the guy that I am
with now, but at the same time I am uncertain as to
whether or not he is the one (or close to it) seeing as
how we haven't spent that much time together. There is
also uncertainty with the
ex because I figured that if we haven't gotten it
right between us after all these years then it's just
not meant to be. I don't know! The uncertainty of the
two of them is what has me confused and I need your
help."
First of all, I am not a big fan of
long
distance relationships. Even
solid
marriages start to crack when they turn into
long distance marriages; normal relationships fade
away even quicker. In your case, it seems that as far as
you
were concerned, those cracks are already quite big. If
you feel the way you do about him, the best thing is to
contact him ASAP and tell him that your feelings have
changed and he should reconsider his decision (at least
not move closer because of you). That way he will have
enough time to plan his future actions now that you have
broken up with him.
Regarding your
ex, well, if I am reading it right, you wouldn't
give him a thought if he was not persistent after you
broke off with him. The only reason you have some
feelings for him is that you both never really
moved
on.
Kathy, it seems to me that none of these two men is
what you
want from a man. Now unless you are one of those
unrealistic women that always want more, more and are
not willing to compromise (and often do not look at
themselves in the mirror), please get rid of both of
these men. It is not working out with either one of
them. So cut the cords and start fresh.
Write down on a piece of paper what is really important
to you and what you are willing to compromise and then
start your search. I am very confident that if you are
realistic and grounded, you will
find a good
man. |
