Paula writes, “I have met a very nice guy, whom I really love. My problem is that financially he does not contribute any money to the household. His 3 boys visit him over the weekends, and I must support them. My electricity and water bills have increased and my grocery expenses have gone through the roof. I only have one little girl. I also have noticed that he buys things for the boys, like toys, cellphones, etc. He also buys gifts for his children and not mine, but when the boys are at my house, my little girl shares her things with them. I know that financially he is not capable, because he got himself in terrible debt, before I met him. But I feel that he does not even try to make an effort to contribute. I do not know how to tell him, because I really love him. He has moved in with me. I also feels sometimes that I cannot trust him, and I get the feeling that he is using me. The sex is great, amazing, but does this make up for everything? He cannot afford his own place, for he was staying with his sister prior to moving in with me. How do I tell him that I feel he must contribute, at least towards the expenses of he and his family.”
It appears to me that this man is nice to you not because he loves you but because he is financially dependent on you. I mean think about it. For living free of charge and supporting his kids, he also gets love and sex from a kind, beautiful woman. I think your hunch is right: he is simply using you. I think he is a con man that uses romance to rob women.
I know for a kind woman like you it is appreciate the love and intimacy that you are getting from him, but this is a relationship based on being a parasite. A relationship is meaningful only when it is based on equality and fairness. Couples with money troubles do not survive together for too long.
It would sound cruel to throw him out immediately since he has no place to go, and therefore, you can give him a week or two to pack up his stuff and ask him to leave. You seem like a nice woman with everything working out for you and the last thing you want is to support a man who has destroyed his own finances and sooner or later he will end up destroying yours. When you ask him to get lost, accept no excuses, no time extensions, and no compromises.