Kim Kardashian Carl Jrs ad

I never eat Carl Jr's restaurants simply because to the extent possible I simply do not eat fast food; it is unhealthy, high calorie processed food that contains cheap ingredients with way too many preservatives.  I do, however, enjoyed the burger ad that Paris Hilton filmed for the company, and then Padma Lakshmi did another burger promotion.  It seems that the company has realized there are folks like me who no longer care for cheap burgers and would rather chew on celery and baby carrots when they are on the road.  Well, now the bad girl Kim Kardashian has tried to make salads look sexy by munching on one of them with her fingers wearing black underwear under her nightwear.  I still don't understand why anyone would eat salad in bed but apparently she is enjoying a picnic in bed with the Cranberry, Apple, Walnut Grilled Chicken Salad.  I still think it is a terrible idea to eat past dinner time (even if it salad), which should be latest by 6 PM.

Britney Spears for president

OK there was Sarah Palin for president and then Stephen Colbert for president. I even agreed that Paris Hilton will make a good president. Unfortunately, none of them made it and I am mad. While I am tempted to endorse GOP clowns like Michele Bachmann, Meghan McCain, Mark Sanford, John Ensign, Larry Craig, Bobby Jindal or Glenn Beck, but I will for the time being insist that we elect Britney Spears as our next president.

Padma Lakshmi burger ad

Did you watch Paris Hilton trying to spice sup sales for Hardee's/Carl's Jr burgers? Well, Indian model Padma Lakshmi has tried to imitate Paris by literally making out with a burger. I must admit though, that despite my lack of admiration for Paris Hilton, she did it better than Padma Lakhsmi. Maybe it is that chefs do not see food as objects that can give orgasms.

President Paris Hilton

I have always supported Paris Hilton for president and after the pathetic campaign run by John McCain and Sarah Palin, it would have been much better if the GOP had picked her instead to run against Senator Barack Obama.

There wouldn't be all the bitterness that McCain-Palin generated, plus Paris Hilton knows how to seek good advice.

Now as you all know while I am no big fan of Paris Hilton music videos (she is no singer) this one is worth watching not for its music but for the humor.

Paris Hilton fake president

I had endorsed Paris Hilton for president as soon as she declared her intention to run. The reality is that we Americans like everything only if it is served as entertainment to us. That is why Sen. John McCain picked Gov. Sarah Palin as his running mate -- she is entertainment of the Superbad type.

In this great video, Paris explains her vision for America and gets some great policy advice from Martin and Charlie Sheen.

My favorite part is when she says, "I plan to bring a fake balance approach to these real problems. For example, Fo-Po." Sheen asks, "What is Fo-Po?" "Foreign policy, silly!" Hilton explains in the lingo familiar to texting teenagers. Of course that old man Sheen got it: "Of course BF! I should have known that one."

Paris Hilton for President

I think all those people who were supporting Stephen Colbert for President but were disappointed when he could not compete in the race can, like me, rally behind Paris Hilton to run for the White House. I think no American in her/his right mind can vote for yet another gray-haired white man (Yes, I am talking about Senator John McCain) who has never used a computer in his life, has trouble keeping his facts straight due to aging related memory loss, is in no way different that President George Bush, and can easily put even the most enthusiastic to sleep.

Senator Barack Obama is a much more exciting option but he definitely lacks the cuteness of Paris Hilton. Finally, we can have someone who can compete with Carla Bruni or Kate Middleton or Elizabeth Kucinich and we can finally say, "America, that's hot!"

Boys and girls, do not fail to register to vote (particularly if you are a Hispanic and have just become a citizen) and make sure that you vote in the presidential election for our very own Paris Hilton.

If George Bush can be president for eight years, even a dog can be a president and Paris Hilton definitely has a higher IQ that that of her dogs.

Paris Hilton bellydancing

Bellydancing is a great dance not only because you can do a great workout right in your home with no equipment (a couple of DVDs or CDs of belly dancing music help) but it also helps a woman feel her feminine charms that can be very fruitfully used in the bedroom. Many women claim that they learn to control muscles that help them achieve orgasm.

So why is Paris Hilton trying to do a bellydance at a beauty pageant in Turkey? There is generally no explanation for what she does and like her lack of talents in singing or acting, she has no clue how to dance.

Sanjay Malakar update

Alright I was, along with millions of other American Idol fans, was convinced that Sanjay Malakar was really bad at singing. Now that would mean that our efficient system of eliminating bad stuff would mean that his singing career would be over.

You will be shocked to know that we seem to have an appetite for bad stuff (hey Paris Hilton is still in business and Heidi Montag is not doing bad either). And Sanjay proudly proclaimed that he has not had a haircut since his appearance on the show.

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Higher by Heidi Montag

It doesn't matter how hard you try, it is difficult to like Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. You never know what is real and what is fiction about them. So when Spencer Pratt makes a music video of Heidi singing “Higher,” you shouldn't expect much (reminds me of Paris Hilton music video Stars Are Blind) because you will not get much. There you have her prancing around the beach, playing with seagulls or just looking cute in a pink bikini while she pretends to sing. Awful but worth watching just so that you can hate her even more.

Paris Hilton cleavage

Paris Hilton has repeatedly denied having breast implants, or for that matter, any type of plastic surgery. She has said several times that she knows she has small breasts and while she wanted to have them augmented when she was a teenager, but decided against it.

But if you watch this video of hers at Spike TV awards ceremony, you can see that she has a great cleavage. I am sure gossip magazines will speculate that she has implants. In my opinion, the right bra and silicone gel pads (as in a padded bra or an enhancer bra) can easily create a subtle cleavage like this.

Jaime Pressly clothing line

We have all fallen in love with Jaime Pressly and not just for her looks. She is actually quite a good actress and that is why she got an Emmy. Like many other Hollywood celebrities that have launched clothing lines all the way from Paris Hilton to Amanda Bynes to Sarah Jessica Parker to Nicky Hilton, we now have the "J'aime Collection" from Jaime. The dresses are feminine, flirtatious, and colorful. I love them.

Eva Longoria sex tape

While one would like to think that Eva Longoria is a desperate housewife, the reality is that this petite Latina is actually married to a really tall French player (Tony Parker) who seems to adore her and had a wonderful wedding in a castle in France. So why would Eva make a sex tape with a guy called Perry Hilton. I thought this types of videos were reserved for Paris Hilton. Hey, if you want to see Eva in lingerie having a pillow fight with a hot man in her bedroom, this is the video to watch.

Smooth E celebriDUI

In the past, a scandal in Hollywood was related to hooking up, breakup, divorce, plastic surgery, topless photos, or secret weddings - not any more. The coolest thing to do now is to be arrested or sent to jail, preferably for DUI. Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, and Lindsay Lohan have provided excellent examples of how to do it. This inspired Eric Schwartz aka Smooth-E to create this funny music video (with Kira Soltanovich) celebriDUI - it is in two parts. He goes on a crime spree to become famous. It is the same logic as that of Gossip Girl - if no one is talking about you, something must be wrong with you. The first clip sets the stage.

Now watch the actual music video.

Paris Hilton goes to jail

While OJ Simpson and Michael Jackson went scot free (though I like to believe that their accusers had their day in court and they couldn't prove their case and in that sense they are innocent) and Naomi Campbell simply had to clean New York City roads for a week, Paris Hilton had no choice but to face jail time. She criticized her sentence but the reality is that drunken driving is dangerous to others and we have to stop these people from getting behind the wheel when they are drunk.

So it is nice to know that Paris Hilton is finally behind bars and is being treated like anyone else. Watch this clip to see how she realizes the gravity of her crime and is ready to serve her time moments before she reported at the county jail.

Paris Hilton music video Stars Are Blind

We all know that Paris Hilton has no talents - unless you count partying and acting stupid (that is what she has done on "The Simple Life") as talents. That is why neither her music nor acting career have taken off. Yes, she makes money modeling and appearing at events and getting paid a ton of money for it, but that does not mean that she is talented. So watch this clip of hers - remember the song “Stars Are Blind” - complete with some really funny commentary. I am not sure if you will like the music, but you will definitely be entertained by the comments.