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| How to develop an action plan for divorce?
I want the best I can from my addict husband
| Summary: When a woman
does not go to college and does not have a career
because she chose to be a housewife, life may not always
turn out to be easy. What if the husband does not
turn out to be the man you thought him to be? What
if you have to become a single parent and raise your
children? Below is the dilemma facing a woman with
half a dozen kids whose husband has become addicted to
drugs. |
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Katie
writes, "I've been married for almost 10 years
with 6 small children. I did not graduate from
high school, and don't really have a work
history. I've always been a
stay-at-home mom. My
husband has a drug problem and every time I
threaten to leave he breaks down and
promises me he will change. That only lasts for
about a week and then I notice large
transactions from our
bank account and nothing to show for it. I
have tried taking ATM/credit
cards, and
cash, but then he will either go get money
from the teller, or manages to find old
checkbooks that I didn't know he had. I
shouldn't have to hide money from him, but if I
don't then the
bills will never get paid, and the kids
would have nothing. I know it's
time to leave but I have nowhere to go.
I despise the place we live and know if I don't
get my children out they will turn out the same
way. Please any advice on how to get out of this
situation and get my children better
opportunities in life. I don't like the idea of
them being
raised without their father, but sometimes
no father is better than a bad one. He doesn't
hurt the kids or me physically." |
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I am
happy to know that you have handled this difficult
situation with so much poise and grace. I am seeing that
you have given a lot of thought to
leaving your husband and I agree that it is the
right thing to do. To make the transition somewhat less
painful, here are some of my tips:
- Do not act in haste. Now
that you have decided to leave, you can be more
strategic and follow a plan. One thing that you may
want to do is to talk to a
divorce attorney first and find out if something
could be done so that you get access to his paycheck
while he only gets an allowance. Courts will look
very kindly at your case because of the young kids.
- Start saving right now
every penny you can. Take a look at your bills for
cable,
phone,
gasoline, whatever you can cut down, and
whatever you can save, keep it in a secret account.
It is amazing how much money we all waste having
hundreds of channels on cable or unlimited minutes
on
cell phones (when we never use them) or
drink
coffee outside the home when it so cheap to brew
it at home. These are just some examples. You will
have to see how to cut some expenses.
- Start thinking about a GED.
That is the minimum you will need to hold any job.
There are a lot of options to complete your GED
these days and start researching that.
- Call the Child Welfare office in
your state and discuss what your options are.
Because of the kids you may also be eligible for
public housing.
- When you meet with your attorney,
you will be able to find out more about
child support, housing, etc.
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It is not
going to be easy but I liked it when you wrote 'sometimes no
father is better than a bad one,' because I agree that you
will be much better off without him. Your kids will thank
you for doing this. |
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| Related:
How to
make a plan to leave my husband
Where to go if I leave my husband
I want to leave a bad marriage
Be patient
or leave
Leave broken marriage
How to recover from end of marriage |
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