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Donna
writes, "I have fallen in love with a man
26 years
younger than me. I am 46 and he is just 20. It
started 9 months ago when he was delegated to help me in
the office after breaking his wrist. He initiated
the relationship, texting me and telling me he wanted me
and I was so beautiful. I know I shouldn't have given in
but we were very close friends for 3 years prior and I
had always
loved him as a friend and his interest just seemed
natural. I am a
single mother to 6 children and cannot have any more
as my tubes are tied. What was meant to be a
fling turned into something way more and we both
fell head over heels. Our meetings were sporadic as
although he said his father wouldn't mind, he said his
mother would not accept it especially as it would mean
no children for him so we kept it secret. However,
word got out late last year and most at work knew and
accepted it. His brother
committed suicide three months ago after a
long
run of depression and this affected my boy friend
very much so I have
kept my distance while letting him know I was there
if he needed me. I believe this blow to the family was
so great that he has decided not to continue our
relationship for fear of hurting his mother more. They
are a very close family. This man is so different that I
can't get
him out of my head and heart. He has actually said
we are over but I live in hope that he will come back to
me...am I dreaming? Do you think us being
soulmates as we truly believed we were will win over
the issues regarding his
family's acceptance?
Should I accept his
decision? I have been waiting
3 months now to see
if he
will come back. Now I have had a
younger
man I cannot see myself with an
older man again. Should I target
younger men in the hope I will replace him or just
sit back and wait and do nothing hoping love will fall
in my lap??
Obviously
what has happened is very tragic and if it were not for
his brother's
death,
you probably would still be together. I do not
necessarily approve of his
decision to dump you just because his brother killed
himself, but at 20, most men are too immature to
appreciate such complex issues and realize how much pain
he has caused you.
Regarding your question about the hope of his coming
back to you, I have no hope. A good time has passed and
if he regretted his decision he would have come back by
now. In other words, it is time to
move
on for you.
I can understand how you feel about
being with
a younger man but let me say this. I am a big
supporter of
relationships with big age differences but only when
they happen for all the right reasons. If you simply
target younger men but ignore everything else that
you want from a man, you will simply be putting yourself
on a course of disappointment and
bad
relationships. So my suggestion would be that it is
OK for you to
seek men
younger than you but also make sure that the man has
other
attributes that you desire in a man. That will
result in a
great
relationship.
And while love happens in most unexpected circumstances,
I am the type who goes and gets what I want. So doing
nothing is not an option for you. The harder you try,
the luckier you will be in finding that dream boy. |
